These Violent Delights
by BtchesLoveCannons
Summary: What began as a night of passion might end in Grell Sutcliff's ruin. Smut, angst, Grell struggling as a male-to-female transgender, Sebastian struggling to accept he may actually care for that pain in the neck reaper that's been after him for so long. (Cover Image credit: DeviantArt/NanjoKoji)
1. What I've Tasted of Desire

**Author's Note:**

 **Okay so I have not written in years! I used to write fan fiction on the regular but I haven't been inspired in a long time. I have been obsessed with anime for the past year or so thanks to my fiance introducing me to it and something about this pairing just got the muses singing. Forgive me for my rustiness, also I wrote both chapters as what was originally a one-shot at one time so also forgive that I am too lazy to proofread. I just thought breaking it into two chapters would make it easier to read.**

 **Warnings/confessions: Smut, fluff, characters being a smidge OOC for my purposes, Grell being a pre-surgery male-to-female transgender as confirmed in "Grell's Confessional."**

 _From what I've tasted of desire/I hold with those who favor fire_

 _-Robert Frost_

The manor was uncharacteristically quiet. The young Earl was in the city on business, a trip on which he had declined Sebastian's company in favor of having dinner on the table when he arrived home. _That will be some time_ , Sebastian thought as he watched the sun set over the grounds. All the preparations had been made and he was hardly going to start cooking yet. What a disgrace it would be for some of the finest steaks in London to be overcooked and tough when the master arrived home.

He turned from the window and left the kitchen for the time being. If it had not been centuries since he had felt such a thing, he would have been unnerved by the silence. Mey-Rin wasn't breaking something, Baldroy wasn't shouting at him for not letting him participate in the dinner preparations. Most days he wished nothing more than for them to all shut up but it would seem that, like a white noise, he had grown accustomed to their antics in the background of his day.

He re-centered a porcelain vase on its pedestal in the hallway. The brilliant orange light that flooded the hall was dwindling as the sun surrendered to the coming twilight. He lit a candelabra and drew the curtains. _It would be futile to grow used to such calm, but I suppose I might as well savor this rare bit of peace and-_

CRASH.

No sooner than he had set the candelabra down did the heavy doors at the end of the hall get thrown open. "I swear if that damaged the wallpaper," he murmured as he turned toward the noise.

He had barely had time to face the source of the commotion when an all too familiar blur of red hair and flamboyant energy came hurtling towards him. Dear Hell and Satan below, did this man ever relent?

"Bassie!" Grell cried, spinning on his heel into a graceful stop right in front of him. He batted his long eyelashes and clapped his hands together.

Nonplussed, Sebastian asked, "What do you want? I assure you, there are no souls here that need your services."

Grell pouted. "Au contraire my sweet Bassie your soul seems to need my _services,_ " he accentuated this by placing a long fingernail under Sebastian's chin and curling it suggestively, "quite badly."

The reaper's touch sent him over the edge. There was no master to behave for so Sebastian chose not to restrain himself when the demon inside unfurled and raised its head. He snatched both of Grell's wrists and shoved the other man into the wall as if he was no more than a small child. He pinned them above the reaper's hands high enough to make sure Grell felt the strain in his shoulders and arms. There was a flash of surprise in his eyes to have elicited such a strong reaction but it was quickly replaced with satisfaction. He seemed to think he had made Sebastian lose his composure.

"See there I knew you had been longing to put your hands on me! You just couldn't resist any longer!" he cried with bliss.

Sebastian smirked, quite aware his eyes had turned the same red as the hellfire that burned behind them. "Make no mistake, I am in complete control of my actions. I chose to make you aware of my frustration a bit more forcefully since you insist on being so. Very. Persistent." With each word he tightened his grip. By the end of his sentence Grell had let a squeal of pain escape.

A few inches separated them, just enough for the open folds of the reaper's coat to brush Sebastian's shirt. His emerald eyes were locked on the demon's red ones and for once he seemed devoid of a flirtatious comeback. In fact, for all that Sebastian's rejection and abuse had never caused him to miss a beat, he seemed to be rather off guard.

For the first time since Sebastian had seen Grell in his true form – that is, after he had dropped the guise of being Madame Red's painfully insecure butler – he actually looked at Grell. He had been harassing Sebastian from day one but Sebastian always shut him down, never letting him closer than arm's length if he could help it. Now he found himself inches from the reaper's face and oddly fascinated by it.

The reaper's eyelashes were long and feminine, but...displaced. They didn't seem as though they were meant to be there. Grell's face was made up of such unmarred, smooth white skin that even Sebastian couldn't fault it. Yet his eyelashes were too black, too stark against his pale skin and jewel toned eyes.

Sebastian laughed quietly. A spark of Grell's usual nature returned and he once again batted those unnatural looking lashes. "Are you as happy as I, for us to finally be in each other's arms?"

"Oh, no, you rather repulse me. I just happened to notice how expertly you enhance your eyelashes. To the untrained eye, they look real. It brings me some amusement that for your flamboyance, your disdain for humans being so insignificant, and look at you – just another lost soul pretending to be something you're not."

Whatever reaction he expected it was not the one he got. A fire rose in Grell, the likes of which Sebastian had never seen in all his time knowing the reaper. His eyes narrowed and hardened and the tender affection vanished from them in an instant.

"How dare you?" he snarled, sharp teeth bared. "You know _nothing_! You are the vermin of my world, you are a demon who lives only to serve. Never in your long existence have you had to question your purpose. Your identity is defined by the person holding your contract you self entitled cockroach. You've never walked this earth wondering who you are, if you're doing the right thing or if you're even in the right _body_!"

Sebastian's look of surprise lasted about half a second before he recovered himself. Instead of retorting while Grell stopped for breath, he let him continue. He was rather intrigued by this line of conversation.

"I didn't ask for this!" Grell carried on, resisting Sebastian's grip on his wrists for the first time. He wrenched forward until the end of his nose brushed Sebastian's. "You're so arrogant and cold you can't possibly imagine trying to build a career while your head swims with doubt and shame. Just think, being in a man's body and looking in the mirror thinking you aren't beautiful enough.

"Imagine searching for that security, looking for a man to make you feel _good enough_. Falling into every pair of strong arms in your vicinity hoping they'll be the ones that make you feel safe from yourself." Tears rose into Grell's eyes and a strange feeling prickled at Sebastian. Surely it wasn't sympathy?

"I just want to be wanted," the reaper whispered. It was the lowest he had ever heard Grell speak. "I want someone to accept me for the person I am inside even though it doesn't match the outside."

For the first time in many years Sebastian had been effectively silenced. He possessed the logic to know Grell was right. He didn't have the experience to adequately imagine Grell's struggle. His body was born of sin and was therefore perfect. Demons did not know insecurity. Any other time he would have kicked Grell clean through the wall as punishment for yelling at him (the nerve!) and had the servants clean up the mess, but there was a hollow space where his anger usually resided.

"So," Sebastian said, "this is what's under all that attitude?"

There was a softness in his voice that surprised them both. Grell's eyes widened. "It's not under anything, dear Bassie. My advances have all been genuine. I crave your love and my heart is but easy prey upon my sleeve."

"Why, yes. Easy prey, indeed."

Sebastian closed the distance between them so that the weight of his body pinned the reaper as well. His face was close enough that when he blinked, his lashes brushed Grell's glasses. The anger had drained from the reaper's eyes as Grell now looked so entranced that Sebastian partly expected his brain to liquify and pour out of his ears.

"My, your body responds so positively to the likes of a cockroach."

Grell's cheeks turned the same color as his hair. He had been so transfixed that he didn't seem to notice until that moment how excited he was by the way Sebastian's body felt against his own, and that the evidence of that excitement was pressed against the demon's leg. He bit his lip, sharp teeth forming small indentions on the soft pink flesh.

 _Tonight is just full of surprises,_ Sebastian thought as the sight sent blood rushing downward. The demon inside that had stirred in anger was wide awake now. In the absence of his master it begged to be unleashed. Sebastian could do no such thing, though. To use that power without Ciel's order would not only violate his contract but who knows what that evil side of him would do to the fragile thing in his arms. _Why do I care?_

"Sebastian," Grell whispered.

Sebastian lost control with a low growl that got lost in Grell's gasp as the demon kissed him. Sebastian let go of his wrists and cupped the back of the reaper's head with one hand, the other grasping his hip to pull him closer. He felt Grell's hands shaking where they clasped around the back of his neck. In fact his whole body shook.

He had never tasted a reaper before. Grell's lips tasted of licorice and it was nothing short of intoxicating. He shifted his hips just enough to make Grell moan at the friction.

"I can see why you have a hard time forgetting you are a man, with endowment like that," Sebastian joked.

He didn't know if it was too sore of a subject to joke about but Grell laughed, if not a bit shyly. However flamboyant he was he didn't seem to be used to compliments. Sebastian ran his fingers down the length of Grell's indeed sizable erection through his slacks. Grell's faint tremors turned to a full body shudder.

Grell finally smiled the wide, flirtatious smile Sebastian was used to. "Look who's talking big boy."

They met each other halfway in another kiss. Passion burned through the gentleness Sebastian had started with and he parted Grell's lips with his tongue. The reaper's sharp teeth scraped his tongue but the discomfort just made his cock throb in his well pressed trousers. His hands went under Grell's long red coat to his back and Grell wrenched his tailcoat open, sending buttons flying in all directions. He smirked.

"I'm growing tired of replacing that."

Grell slit his shirt open with one manicured nail and grinned. "Oh no, you're not going to tire out on me yet."

He ran his hands down Sebastian's toned abdomen to his belt. He had began unhooking it when voices carried from further down the hall and both their heads snapped toward the sound.


	2. Fire and Ice

"I can't find him no I can't!"

"Ciel won't be home for awhile, relax. If we can't find him I'll start dinner myself."

Mey-Rin and Bardroy's voices came from around the corner where the hallway they stood in met another. In a blur of movement that the human eye couldn't have detected, Sebastian hoisted Grell up so the reaper could hold on to him with his legs and opened the door closest to them. One arm securely around Grell's waist, he closed it behind them with his free hand and waited. They both listened in silence until the servants went past the door and their voices faded.

Grell's legs were strong as a vice around his waist and Sebastian almost didn't want to set him down. He locked the door and carried him across the room to the master's desk, once more supporting Grell with one arm and using the other to clear the desk in one swipe. _This study will need a thorough cleaning before the master arrives home._ He dropped Grell unceremoniously onto the desk but the reaper didn't seem to care and picked up where he left off, pushing Sebastian's ruined tailcoat and shirt off his shoulders. His tie fell to the floor with them – it seemed to have also fallen prey to Grell's razor sharp manicure.

"You are wearing far too many clothes, my dear," Sebastian said.

Grell shivered at the endearment and reached for his own ribbon at his neck but Sebastian swatted his hands away. In another blur, a pile of red and white fabric was on the floor and the reaper was naked to the waist just as Sebastian was. His torso was lightly muscled and covered in the same alabaster white skin that Sebastian found himself so taken with.

"I don't know any humans that could undress me half so effectively," Grell said with a coy smile.

Sebastian grabbed the red head's pants at the waist and ripped them off, having decided they deserved the same treatment as his shirt and coat. "You flatter me, but please..." He smirked. "I am simply one hell of a lover."

Grell's laugh bordered on maniacal. "Quite so, Bassie!"

In a few more rapid movements he had shredded the rest of Sebastian's clothes. He leaned forward from where he sat on the edge of the desk and touched his tongue to the head of Sebastian's cock. His eyes were a more vibrant green than ever when he looked up at the demon, in the dim study that was lit by a single candelabra. Sebastian's hand, which had came to rest on the back of Grell's head, grasped the reaper's head to stop him when he leaned forward to take Sebastian into his mouth.

"Easy there with the teeth," Sebastian reminded him.

Grell smiled but seeing all those pointed teeth in one place was no reassurance. "I couldn't dream of hurting you my love."

And apparently he couldn't. It took a lot for a demon to praise another being's prowess in any form of sin but in no time Sebastian's pupils had slitted and he tasted blood. As Grell worked his cock he ran his tongue along the inside of his mouth and found that his own fangs had elongated. There were two small puncture marks in his lip already healing. Heat began building deep inside and (exercising no small amount of willpower, thank you very much) he pulled Grell away from his efforts.

"You amaze me," he admitted.

Grell's eyes took on that shine again and before the moment could become too maudlin Sebastian set to distracting the reaper from what he'd just said. He tore Grell's trousers off and chuckled when he found the red silk underwear clinging to Grell's hips. There was a growing stain in the center where his arousal was trapped by the thin fabric.

He hooked his fingers into their waistband and made to pull them off when Grell stopped him. "No, please."

"Why not?" he asked, palming Grell's cock through what he could only call his panties.

"Because then you'll be able to see that I'm...well, that I'm a man." Grell had averted his eyes and started twisting his hands together nervously.

 _You are a man,_ Sebastian started to say, but then he thought back to their earlier conversation. _...Being in a man's body...thinking you aren't beautiful enough._ He sighed. Not only did Grell not want him to see his manhood, Grell himself didn't want to see it either. He didn't want to be reminded that he was in a body he didn't identify with.

"Very well."

Grell blinked, seeming surprised that Sebastian had agreed. Sebastian reached up and pulled the reaper's glasses over his head. He once more felt tremors coursing through Grell's body as he patiently reached under all that long, red hair so he could remove the chain his glasses hung on from around his neck. If possible Grell's eyes seemed even more like raw cut emeralds when not behind his spectacles.

"I am not in the presence of my master, so for now I can make your wish my command." Sebastian put his hand over his bare chest and bowed slightly. "I shall love you like you are the loveliest woman I have ever laid eyes on."

For the second time that night, Grell was too overtaken by emotion to do more than whisper, "Sebastian."

Sebastian lowered him onto his back horizontally across the desk. Grell's mane of hair fanned out against the dark wood. The pale glow of twilight filtered through the large window, casting shadows across their bodies. Sebastian kissed him deeply but did not linger, instead moving down to Grell's neck and chest. The softest sounds escaped the reaper's lips as he finally felt the kiss and touch of the man he had longed for.

He flicked his tongue against one of Grell's pretty little pink nipples and there was nothing soft about the sound he made then. Grell jerked and grabbed Sebastian's hair with a cry of pleasure. _Maybe he really is in the wrong body, he's awfully sensitive there for a man._

In a way he was reminded of being with a woman, hearing Grell's high pitched noises and watching the wet spot spreading across his silk panties. Grell also had the best parts of being with a man – Sebastian could feel his subtly defined muscles tense under his mouth and hands, see the outline of his abs and the clean cut lines of his hips. Those _hips._ You could cut glass with them.

"Suck," he ordered, putting his fingers between Grell's lips.

He was growing more convinced by the minute that a demon had illegitimately bred with a reaper and spawned Grell, the way he used his mouth was pure sin if Sebastian had ever felt it. He let Grell suck his fingers longer than necessary, too busy admiring the dexterity of his long tongue to stop him. Grell seemed to already know what was coming. He pulled his legs up and over Sebastian's shoulders.

Sebastian tugged his panties to the side and circled his entrance with his index finger until it relaxed enough to enter. He kissed Grell and swallowed up the cry of his name as he inserted his middle finger. Grell was gripping his shoulders, the heels of his boots digging into Sebastian's back. They were the only thing he was wearing and it was rather the becoming look for him. He fingered the reaper until Grell forced his hand away.

"I'm fine, I'm fine! I want you _in,_ " Grell pleaded with utmost melodrama, as if he would die on the spot if Sebastian wasn't inside him.

Sebastian leaned over him and saw the red glow of his eyes reflected on Grell's skin. He smiled just enough to bare his small but razor sharp fangs. "As you wish."

He reached to the floor beside the desk and picked up his torn necktie. He put it across Grell's mouth and pressed each end of it to the desk on either side of his head. "This will hurt," he said, and thrust in.

A scream was muffled by the necktie, which also kept Grell from coming completely off the desk when Sebastian entered him. His back arched but his head was restrained by the tie and his body snapped back down against the wood. Sebastian began to move slowly. He increased his pace only when he could feel the pain turn to pleasure and Grell's hips started moving with his.

He would never know for a fact, but he thought this might be what Heaven would feel like. Grell was suffocatingly tight yet somehow soft. His movements were so synchronized with Sebastian's that they seemed to have become one. He kissed Grell through the tie and felt the reaper's heart hammering against his chest.

Grell growled and bit through the tie with ease. He spit it out from between his pointed teeth. Sebastian had but a moment to prepare himself before Grell sat up on the desk and changed their position in a blur not much slower than the one Sebastian himself could move in. He found himself in the master's chair, with Grell in his lap and rolling his hips against his cock.

Sebastian moaned and dropped his head back against the chair as Grell rode him. The reaper's movements became faster, more desperate. Sebastian wrapped his arms around him and leaned his face into Grell's neck. Grell fit all too well in his arms. He found the head of his cock through his panties and began to circle it with his thumb, not much differently than he would a woman's clit.

Grell rocked his hips forward against Sebastian's hand. "Oh... _oh_ Bassie please don't stop!"

He didn't. Sebastian didn't stop until the reaper's shaking was almost convulsive. Only then did he raise his lips to Grell's ear and say, "Come for me, my love."

He punctuated this order with a well aimed thrust at the sweet spot inside Grell and the reaper reached the climax of his rapidly building orgasm. The way he contracted around Sebastian's cock was almost enough for the demon to go over the edge as well. Grell had barely come down when Sebastian stood up, still deep inside the red head, and pressed them against the wall. Grell's legs once more wrapped around him as he thrust up into the reaper.

"Fill me, mark me as your own!" Grell cried.

Sebastian was already on the edge, then sharp teeth sunk into his neck and he came with an inhuman, guttural sound. He felt blood trickle down the side of his neck as he released into Grell. His true form had nearly broke free with his orgasm – something he realized when he had to pull his elongated claws out of the wall beside Grell's head. His other hand was grasping the reaper's back and it, too, was stained with blood when he pulled it away.

He let Grell down only for his knees to give out as soon as his feet were on the ground. Sebastian sunk to one knee and caught Grell before he collapsed. He rested the reaper's head on his knee and smiled. It was the first genuine smile that had crossed his lips in longer of a time than he could recall. Grell gave an embarrassed laugh and for an instant Sebastian was hopelessly endeared to him.

"You are in fact quite beautiful, Grell," he said without meaning to.

Grell swelled with so much emotion and happiness that Sebastian expected him to pop like a balloon and fly away. _Curses. I shouldn't have said that. Now I really will never get rid of him. Damned carnal impulses and post coital endorphins._

His self reprimand was interrupted by the sound of galloping hooves. He threw Grell off his lap and leaped to his feet. "My master is home, go. _Now,_ " he added when the reaper hesitated. In a whirlwind he had left the room, retrieved fresh laundry from his own, and was placing a stack of folded clothes in Grell's arms. He himself had dressed on the way back. Before Grell was dressed, he had completely cleaned the room and put everything back in order. He moved a piece of wall art to cover the holes his claws had left.

"B-Bassie," Grell said, straightening his glasses. "Does this mean you love me too?"

"This means you have to get out," Sebastian snapped, watching through the window as Ciel's carriage drew nearer. He had to get out there and greet the master.

He turned to reprimand Grell for being absurd, but when he looked behind him the room was empty.


	3. You Live For the Pain

_"I don't want to hurt you but you live for the pain_

 _I'm not trying to say it but it's what you became_

 _You want me to fix you but it's never enough_

 _That's why you always call me 'cause you're scared to be loved_

 _But I'll always be there for you."_

 _-The Weeknd, Shameless_

Dinner was a success, little to anyone's surprise. After assisting Mey-Rin to make sure the kitchen was once again spotless, Sebastian went to the young master's chambers. They said little to each other as he tucked Ciel in to bed. He smiled to himself. The great Lord Phantomhive, feared by some, revered by many, looked like no more than the average child as Sebastian pulled the blankets around him. If not for the eyepatch and the pentagram Sebastian knew to be underneath, Ciel would look quite like an ordinary thirteen year-old. A smile pulled at the corners of the demon's lips. If he could consume no other human soul until the end of his contract, at least the one he had to wait for was a worthy one.

He brushed Ciel's bangs from his face. "Goodnight, my young lord."

Ciel closed his cerulean eye. "Wake me early tomorrow. Elizabeth is coming for breakfast."

"Of course, master. Sleep well."

He extinguished the lights in the room and took his leave. Once more the manor was eerily silent. A strange feeling plagued him - not one of regret, surely? He thought of the last time he had noticed such quiet, how it had become spliced with soft gasps and his own growls of pleasure as locks of flame red hair slid through his fingers. He couldn't discern why he had given into such primitive instincts. In the most technical light he had not broken his contract. His true form never fully emerged, and Ciel had not noticed anything amiss so he hadn't asked what Sebastian had been doing in his absence. If he had asked Sebastian wouldn't have been able to lie but he had been spared confessing to his lapse in control.

The strangest part was that he'd never had to exercise control to reject Grell. It took no more thought than swatting a gnat. The reaper was physically attractive, yes, but Sebastian expected that from a deity. It never had much of an effect on him. Then earlier..

 _Snap out of it._

He entered his bedroom with a sigh. There was no sense in thinking of it now. Grell was sensitive and in some ways childlike, his feelings would probably be too badly hurt by Sebastian's sudden change in heart (as if he had one) to come bothering him again for awhile. When he did, things would be no different. He had always been a pest and he would undoubtedly continue to be. This thought had barely left Sebastian's mind when he sensed a presence. Even before he lit the candle next to the bed, he felt it. Dim light poured into the room and illuminated the hunched figure on his bed.

"I shall atone," the man whispered. "I shall atone, I shall atone..."

"Grell?"

The reaper looked up and Sebastian's surprise was betrayed by a sharp intake of breath. Bruises mottled the side of his face. Blood had dried on his mouth. There was no playful light dancing in his eyes, no coy smile to greet the demon with. Ironic as it may be for a shinigami, he looked nearly dead. A surge of anger rose in Sebastian that he quickly banished. He had a master, there was no room in his life to feel protective of this man.

"What are you doing here?"

"I don't remember coming here," the reaper admitted.

Sebastian stood in front of him. "Who did that to you?" He already knew the answer. He had seen such damage before but not to this extent; Grell had usually healed for the most part by the time he had stood up from a beating.

"Will."

As he thought. "Why?"

"I was supposed to be reaping a soul in the time I was here earlier."

"Why didn't you?"

Grell averted his gaze to the floor. "You will mock me to no end."

"Everything has an end, you should know that better than any."

"But you already think-"

"Don't be tedious. Explain."

"It was a woman on the to-die list...she was pregnant. Well, I say a woman but she wasn't going to die. I was only sent to reap her unborn child. When I saw her, I was overtaken with memories of the first human I ever loved, the only human I..." he trailed off as tears gathered in his eyes.

"Madam Red."

It was by Madam's Red side that Grell's true nature had first been revealed to him. Grell's love for her had brought his fall from grace, if you will. He had gone against the code of a reaper and all the rules to be by her side, help her carry out the killings that she thought would bring her peace. Grell had also been the one to murder her. To this day Sebastian didn't know if Grell had been truthful in saying he killed her because she had become boring once she developed a conscious, or if he had hid behind that reason when he truly just couldn't bear how weak she made him.

"Needless to say Will wasn't happy when he finally got his hands on me."

 _Got his hands on me._ The words brought back that surge of anger and he had to work a bit harder to quell it again. Grell was plenty capable of defending himself in battle, he was one of the only beings that had ever held their on against Sebastian in a fight, but he had too much respect for Will to raise a hand against him. Will beating him served all the purpose of kicking a puppy. It was to satisfy Will and nothing else. Sebastian felt a prickling in his eyes and knew his pupils had turned to slits.

Grell saw it and blanched, if it was possible for him to go any paler. "I'm sorry, I'll go."

He got to his feet and fainted. Sebastian locked his arms around the reaper's waist and sat him back down. There was no longer anything romantic about it, he was too consumed by fury to think of an emotion as soft as endearment.

He propped his chin on top of Grell's head and wondered what he should do. Ciel would not be happy if he kept the reaper inside the manor without his permission, but he would hardly welcome the death god that had killed his aunt, either. He would also wonder why Sebastian would want to shelter the man he found revolting. That would just bring about awkward questions, and truthfully Sebastian himself didn't know the answer.

Grell's hair smelt of rose petals. Sebastian inhaled deeply before turning the reaper and laying him on the bed. This was far against his better judgment. He should have pitched the man out the window and set to his originally intended task of waxing the cherry writing desk. However, something he could not name stopped him.

There was a hairline crack in Grell's glasses. Sebastian removed them, and peeled the false lashes off his eyes. He placed these things on the nightstand and began undressing Grell as promptly and tactfully as he would his master. His hands did not linger, his eyes did not stray. Or at least this was the case until the reaper was naked except his underwear and Sebastian saw the full extent of his injury. There were lacerations on his chest, and his forearms where he assumed Grell had raised them to shield himself. Nearly black bruising on his sides suggested a few broken ribs.

The wounds were healing too slowly to have been inflicted by a mortal weapon. Sebastian growled. That coward had inflicted these wounds with Grell's death scythe. It was the only thing that could damage Grell as if he were human.

He lifted Grell long enough to turn down the blankets. The bedding only ever moved when it was washed, as Sebastian could sleep if he chose but he didn't require it. He went to the washroom and returned with a damp cloth to clean the dried blood from Grell's skin. When he was clean, Sebastian pulled the blankets over him and stood up. It was sickening to thing just hours earlier this broken body had been in his arms, unmarred and whole. He turned away to find a chore, something, anything to distract him when thin fingers closed around his wrist. His first instinct was to break them but he turned back to the bed calmly.

"Don't go." Grell didn't even look conscious, his eyes half open and fingers only managing a weak grasp on the demon.

"Sleep. Your being doesn't require it but your body will recuperate faster while sedentary."

"Don't go...don't let him come for me."

When Sebastian pulled his hand away the reaper turned onto his side and, seemingly asleep again, began chanting, "I shall atone, I shall atone..."

 _I'm going to regret this._

Sebastian undressed down to his trousers and slid under the blankets. He blew the candle out and lay on his back in the darkness. Tomorrow he would send Grell packing but he supposed one night could be written off as the well known Phantomhive hospitality. Yes, that was what compelled him to allow this. He began to let his mind lapse into the meditative state that was the closest he could come to sleep.

A hand found his and grasped it with inhuman strength but a disparity that was all too human. Grell seemed to still be asleep, and his shallow breathing evened out when his fingers interlocked with Sebastian's. For all that he boasted about being a deity he possessed many human weaknesses. He was deeply insecure, sought approval from authority figures and struggled with an identity crisis. Sebastian would usually find such basic feelings trifling and weak but they seemed greater when they plagued someone he knew to be strong. There was a soul of iron under all the swooning and shrieking with anger about pointless frustrations. Grell was determined and tenacious. To see him this way bothered the demon far more than he liked.

When he opened his eyes next, the first light of morning was turning the black sky to grey. He had a bit longer before he would need to wake Ciel. _Best begin preperations for breakfast, I can hardly trust Bardroy with them._ When he shifted to sit up he became aware of a weight on top of him. Only then did he notice Grell's head on his chest and the pale arm around his waist.

He should have known the reaper would adhere to him over night. He looked him over and found most of his wounds to be healed, but still his blood boil. He had despised William T. Spears from the first moment they met. It wasn't the irritation and slight revulsion he'd felt for Grell but genuine hatred. That look of superiority on his face, Sebastian longed to peel that face right off his skull.

"Grell"

The reaper slept on. Sebastian really needed to get to work.

" _Grell._ "

The redhead started and sat bolt upright. Sebastian had reached for his shoulder to shake him but Grell caught his wrist halfway and pinned it to the headboard. Sebastian's eyes widened. It would take a considerable amount of effort to free his wrist and he was once more reminded of just how powerful of a creature he was dealing with. He was also reminded of the previous day. Grell was leaning over him, porcelain skin on display in the morning light and his face close enough to Sebastian's for his shorter locks of hair to tickle the demon's cheek.

"Oh Bassy I could stay like this all day," he cooed.

Ugh. He was back. "Alas, you will do no such thing."

Grell smirked and straddled Sebastian on the bed. His legs seemed to go on for miles. He let go of Sebastian in favor of running his hands down the demon's chest. "Are you sure?

No. "Yes, I-"

Grell cut him off with a shriek of outrage. "My glasses! Where are they!" He leapt off the bed only run straight into the wall. Sebastian chuckled.

"I didn't realize you were so impaired."

"My whole species is impaired don't single me out," Grell retorted, turning to the table his glasses sat on but stumbling into the side of the bed instead.

Sebastian amused himself a bit longer before taking the reaper by the shoulders and forcing him to be still. He picked the spectacles up and moved to face Grell. Even without the long, false lashes to accentuate them, the reaper's eyes were no less captivating. They were currently fixed about six inches to the left of Sebastian's face.

The haughty pout faded some when Sebastian gently replaced his glasses. The touch melted him as usual, and his eyes fluttered shut when the demon's fingers brushed his neck as he straightened the chain on his glasses. Sebastian picked up his own hair brush and began to work it through the reaper's hair. If such a being could die and go to heaven he was sure Grell would have done it already.

"You were quite a mess last night," he murmured.

"The last thing I remember is lying in a dark alley, with Will telling me I had to atone for my wrongdoings, that I had to be punished. Then I woke up here."

Sebastian pressed the false lashes onto Grell's eyes. "I do hate that our wrongdoings got you into all that trouble."

"Oh please I'll take a beating to wrong-do you any day of the week, or all of them as a matter of-"

Sebastian cut him off with a kiss. He held Grell's face between his hands and kissed him deeply. Grell made a sound of glee and returned the gesture with vigor, tilting his head up and wrapping his arms around Sebastian's waist. He all but purred.

In a last ditch effort to understand his feelings, Sebastian thought, _That's it. He's quite like a cat – playful but cuddly and cute, that must be why I like him._ Yes. That had to be it.

"I must work," he said with regret.

"As do I, I'm afraid." Grell got dressed and squinted through the crack in his glasses. "I'll be needing that fixed."

"You surprise me. For a being so headstrong, so prideful, getting beaten to a pulp never seems to bother you."

"The trials of wearing your heart upon your sleeve, my dear. I keep thinking someone will see my devotion but they all deny my affections. I'm willing to let him beat me silly but still William does not return my feelings..." A dreamy, lovestruck look clouded Grell's eyes and Sebastian's own turned as red as blood.

"Your feelings?" he spat.

Grell arched a plucked eyebrow. "Oh now look who's acting like they care. Don't look surprised you know my heart has room to love many. But it doesn't mean anything when there is no room in anyone's heart for me."

Though it was said with the reaper's usual melodrama, it elicited a wave of sympathy amongst Sebastian's sea of anger and uncharacteristic jealousy. Humans, demons, creatures of all kinds vied for Sebastian's attention. He had never experienced rejection or feeling unwanted.

"You do come on a bit strong, you know."

"I wouldn't come on any other way, if I am to be loved it will be for exactly who I am. I will change for no man, no matter how fetching he may be."

There was the Grell he knew. He suppressed a smile, lest it encourage the reaper's affections. "Quite right, my lady."

Grell squealed and spun on his heel. It was the first time Sebastian had ever called him a lady. "Well I must be going my dark prince!"

They made to part ways when Grell stopped, and in a more serious tone said, "Thank you."

"For?"

"Staying with me last night. I don't know what got into me. Anyways, ta ta!"

In a flash of scarlet the shinigami vanished. His eyes had looked far away just before he left, as if the memories of the previous night were more painful than he wanted to admit and especially in front of Sebastian. He stared at the spot in front of him where Grell had just stood. However unremarkable it was, their parting felt oddly final.


	4. Don't Make Any Sudden Moves

_"All my friends are heathens, take it slow_

 _Wait for them to ask you who you know_

 _Please don't make any sudden moves_

 _You don't know the half of the abuse."_

 _-Twenty One Pilots, "Heathens"_

A crisp breeze ruffled Sebastian's hair as they stood in the garden. The breeze carried with it the aroma of sunlight and honeysuckle. He would say for the human world that it had its appeal. One got tired of only smelling blood and sulfur all day.

"You're troubled."

He looked down at his master. "What makes you think that?"

"You're rolling your cuff link between your fingers. I know it isn't absentminded, you don't know the meaning of such."

"You are wise beyond your years my young lord."

Ciel smirked. "I paid a high price for that wisdom. Now quit trying to distract me I want to know what's bothering you."

He tried to sound flippant but there was a slight hitch in his voice that gave him away; Sebastian was slightly touched that the boy cared for him. He had always known it, though. In ways Ciel was even colder than him but there was the occasional slip up and Sebastian saw his vulnerable side. That side was more dependent on his butler than Lord Phantomhive would ever admit.

Sebastian knelt to level his gaze with his master's. "Your concern is flattering."

"I don't like having my servants preoccupied, you will not be able to perform your duties efficiently if you are distracted."

"Forgive me, my lord," he said, hand to his chest.

"You never answered me."

"Is that an order?"

Ciel sighed. "It will only become an order if whatever weighs on your mind affects your work. Until then keep it to yourself if you wish, your troubles are none of my concern anyway I have plenty of my own."

 _Brat._ "Very well my lord."

They parted ways for Sebastian to carry on with his duties. He immersed himself in chopping fresh fruits and vegetables for dinner. His hand slowed when he came to the strawberries for dinner. Their scent was intoxicating in a way it had never been before. He inhaled deeply and thought of his lips pressed to the crook of Grell's neck, the lingering scent of strawberries and cream on his skin. The memory was bittersweet. He had not seen the reaper in two weeks.

In the past there could be months between their paths crossing, or sometimes days. This felt different. After Grell chasing him all that time he expected the reaper to harass him endlessly about what their night together had meant, about Sebastian's feelings, et cetera, et cetera. Grell finally got what he wanted. Why wasn't he there to gloat about it?

The late afternoon gave way to the evening which surrendered to nighttime. He stared down at his empty bed before stretching out atop the bedding. He had no desire to sleep, only to turn his face to the pillow and let the familiar scent wash over him. Never in the time they had known each other would he have ever believed he would miss Grell Sutcliff. The reaper had awoken strange feelings in him and he wished to explore them, identify them. It was a strength to know an enemy's weakness but a downright necessity to know one's own.

He closed his eyes, and tried to banish from his mind the possibility of Grell having indeed become a weakness.

 **One Month Later**

Rain pelted the worn cobblestone streets of London. Ciel left the crime scene dry, of course. If Sebastian could not hold an umbrella over his master, he would be a poor excuse for a butler. The sky was dark grey as they got into the carriage. Men all over London were being decapitated and the Queen's guard dog had been dispatched to solve the murders.

"I do wonder what the killer wants with all those heads," Ciel mused.

The biggest problem with the crime scenes was the decapitated bodies – just the bodies, as the heads were nowhere to be found. It had created a challenge for identifying the dead. There was never a witness to the crime.

The driver steered them down an alley and Sebastian detected a sound that was out of the ordinary. It was the clicking of heels but heavier. Perhaps it was a larger woman but he could think of no lady who would be out in this weather in heels. Besides the sound stood among the rest of the city noise to simply be a woman. It wouldn't have caught his interest if it were something so common. He was still assessing whether or not the unusual footsteps were a threat when the carriage jolted to a halt.

"Master!" He caught Ciel and pushed him down as the carriage rocked, narrowly grabbing the boy before he was thrown into the door.

"What in the bloody hell was that? Investigate it!"

"Yes, my lord."

Sebastian was gone from the carriage in a blur. The horses were shifting with unease and the driver squinted into the rain. It had escalated from a steady shower to a downpour. Without his enhanced vision Sebastian would not have been able to see the figure blocking their path. The horses had sensed it before the driver, who was still trying to determine why they had stopped.

 _Click, click._

Two steps taken in heels. Sebastian was just beginning to make out the form walking towards him. The first thing he saw were heeled black leather boots, almost knee high. Above them were form fitting black trousers, a black shirt and a black vest adorned with a single red chain. Sebastian set his jaw. It was a grim reaper.

Even worse, it was his grim reaper.

Grell's long tresses were tied back so that only the shorter hair in the front was visible. His face was not alight with glee at seeing Sebastian. He did not smile and begin shouting or trying to kill anyone. In fact his expression reminded Sebastian of the one he usually wore; indifferent and cold.

His pause to observe the reaper was interrupted by the loud whirring of motors as Grell's death scythe roared to life. "You are the demon, Sebastian Michaelis."

Sebastian blinked. That was Grell's voice, but it was animated with none of his usual drama and flamboyance. He lowered into a defensive position, determined to keep his composure in front of the master. Ciel was surely watching.

"My, it isn't like you to be coy. You act as if I'm a stranger."

"You are vermin. Attractive vermin, but little more than scum nonetheless."

Grell charged him with shocking speed and grace. He was usually swooning over Sebastian even while fighting and it was enough of a distraction to give Sebastian the upper hand. Now he was focused and unrelenting with his attack.

Sebastian dodged then hooked his foot around Grell's ankles and swept him before the dodged attack landed on the carriage that held his master. Grell recovered with ease, holding the scythe with one hand and using his free one to front flip back on to his feet. He spun around and lunged again.

Something wasn't right here. That blow had been aimed to kill and even under orders Grell could never bring himself to do more than rough the demon up a bit. Sebastian had been well matched the first time they fought but Grell seemed to have become more powerful. His attacks were more precise, his movements faster. He was lethal.

In two more moves Grell had him cornered. He raised his scythe as he bared his teeth in a wild smile. Sebastian planted his feet and jumped. Brick and mortar filled the air as the chainsaw obliterate the place Sebastian had just stood. He ran up the wall, hearing Grell hot on his path as soon as he dislodged his scythe from the ruined bricks. His feet had barely landed on the roof when another pair landed right behind him with a click of heels that would have been graceful and ladylike, if not worn by a murderous shinigami.

"Why are you doing this?" he demanded, leaning away from the scythe as it came toward him.

"I was doing my job and minding my own business. I wasn't going to seek you out but I was told to kill you on sight if our paths did cross." Grell fluttered his eyelashes and revved the chainsaw. "I do hate to ruin that pretty face."

"Your mood has changed considerably since the last time we saw each other," he said and kicked the scythe upward, away from his face which was pretty indeed.

"I know you only by description. I've never come across one of your kind in this realm until now, I think I would remember such an unpleasant encounter."

Sebastian's eyes widened. Grell didn't remember him...his head buzzed with questions. How long had Grell been like this? Why had his memories been altered? Why had his passionate nature been extinguished with what seemed to be a cold fire now burning in his heart?

He feinted when Grell came for him next and grabbed the reaper as he passed him. He threw Grell down and forced his arms above his head, using most of his strength to pin him to the ground. The chainsaw sent chunks of the cement roof flying in all directions. Sebastian lowered his face to Grell's and let his body shield the reaper's from the debris.

"What happened to you?" he asked.

Grell smiled and kissed Sebastian with confidence. He purred, a vibration that Sebastian felt against his chest as the reaper's tongue slid into his mouth. It distracted him for a fraction of a second, as his focus could not long leave the safety of his master. The moment was enough. He had blinked and when he opened his eyes he had to catch himself from going face down on the roof.

Grell now stood over him. He put a heeled boot on the back of Sebastian's head. "I'm about to be late for a reaping...until next time, Bassy."

The name sent chills down Sebastian's spine. The weight on the back of his head vanished and when he looked up, Grell was gone. Sebastian ran his fingers over the deep pits in the roof left by his death scythe. His black fingernails elongated into claws and tore through his gloves as surely as anger tore through his cool, collected mask.

He heard Ciel calling him but he could only hear one name echoing through his mind. It was a realization, a prosecution, a solemn promise for the being's destruction.

 _Will._


	5. This Is Not a Dream

**Author's Note:**

 **I know this seems like filler but it serves a purpose, I actually need a plot if I'm going to continue this story so bear with me. Also, shout out to guest reviewers who kindly take the time to comment. Unfortunately I can not reply to you directly like I can those who have an account. But thanks a million (:**

 **Onward!**

" _And all the people say  
You can't wake up, this is not a dream  
You're part of a machine, you are not a human being  
With your face all made up, living on a screen  
Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline."_

 _-Halsey, Gasoline_

Grell stared into the mirror. The fluorescent lights at headquarters didn't flatter him in the slightest. He felt displaced from his body and not in the usual way, when he ran his hands over a chest that shouldn't be flat, and a face that should be feminine without the aid of cosmetics. No, this was different. He closed his eyes against his reflection.

Will had explained Sebastian and his contract to Lord Phantomhive, and all the grotesque things the demon had done in the name of his master. If he were a human Grell would have easily marked him as deserving to die but matters were not that simple with a creature of the supernatural. If anything the taste of his mouth was a sin worth dying for. It was like red wine and blackberries, tart with a sweet finish. Grell pulled his glasses down and rubbed his eyes.

"Will's right, you're off your nut Grell," he told himself.

He had become distracted from his work before but the demon had an effect on him like no other. Sebastian was a living contradiction. His lips tasted like home but reapers had no home, his eyes were the fiery red Grell so loved but he was meant to hate demons. They were lesser creatures, little more than powerful leeches. They used deals and contracts to subsist and fulfilled them with brutality and cheap tricks. Reapers saw them in the same light humans saw insects.

He put his glasses back in place and returned to the main office where Will was waiting for him. "We have to get to work," the brunette reaper said.

"We're at work."

Will narrowed his eyes. "This case requires a high level reaper. I've been thinking there was something wrong with these men being decapitated and I discovered what it was."

"Oh maybe it's because their _heads were cut off_! I think there is plenty wrong with that alone you savage." Grell walked around him to his desk and began sorting through the papers strewn across it.

Will ignored the jibe and continued. "You know how there have been blank spaces in the cinematic records?"

"No, I don't know. I was too busy doing my nails while I reaped their souls. Of COURSE I know do you think I'm an IDIOT?" Grell shouted, turning every head in the office as he slammed his hands on his desk.

"Mind your tongue Sutcliff."

"Why don't you come mind it for me?" Grell curled his tongue provocatively. Will glared and he sighed. "Fine, blank spaces in the records, I take it you figured out why there are memories missing."

"Someone is trying to take the souls."

"What could somebody want with a boring old human soul?"

"I believe the operative term is some _thing._ You and I both know what lives off human souls."

Grell went sick to his stomach but he didn't know why. "Demons."

"I have a particular one in mind who I have every reason to believe is behind this. He is starving, after all."

"Sebastian."

The corners of Will's mouth twitched into the closest thing Grell had ever seen to a smile. "Can you think of any reason not to investigate him?"

He locked his eyes on Grell's, the same eyes as his own, the piercing green eyes of a reaper. Grell stared into them. He wracked his brain for the source of the unease that twisted his gut, the almost gravitational pull Sebastian seemed to have, but came up blank. His memories were clouded from being so overworked these past couple months. The last vivid memory he had was murdering Madame Red..then pieces started to go missing.

"No," he answered finally.

(())

They had a reaping in the book for that night for a man who would die of decapitation. Will joined him in shadowing the banker until he met his end. They sat on a rooftop and watched him walk down the sidewalk, pulling his scarf tighter around his neck against the chill. Grell looked sideways at the brunette reaper. He was handsome to a fault. That cold, disinterested look made his head swim with ideas about Will would be like when that mask cracked.

Will glanced over and arched an eyebrow. "Yes, Grell?"

"Oh, nothing," he said and looked away, blushing. He never made any bones about his flirting but Will had a tendency to hit him for it, something that usually egged him on even more but he just didn't feel like it tonight.

"It's just like old times."

Grell's mouth fell open. Did he hear that right? Was _William_ being nostalgic? His heart did somersaults. "You almost say that like you didn't detest those times."

"They were loathsome, undoubtedly, as are you." Will stood up on the roof's edge as a figure approached the man below. "Yet I am somehow negatively affected by your absence."

He jumped from the roof while Grell was still sputtering and rubbing his ears because surely he heard that wrong. What in the HELL was going on lately? It was strange enough that there were periods of time he couldn't remember but he sure as the devil didn't remember a point where William T. Spears of all people had grown a soft spot for him. He was still reeling when he hit the ground next to Will. They took cover in an alley to get a closer look at the murderer.

Grell didn't recognize the murderer. He averted his eyes as the swing of an ax ended the man's life. Ugh he hated when his job got gruesome. There had been something poetic about the murders he committed with Red but without her beauty to offset the gore he really didn't care for it.

"We can not afford to lose part of another soul. I'll begin the reaping, go try to cut off the thief. This street is deserted right now we should consider anyone you cross paths with a suspect."

"Aye aye, Captain." Grell winked and was gone in a blur.

He ran down the sidewalk in a red streak, barely noticeable to the weak human eye. He wanted to catch the culprit, William would be so pleased with him. A brief fantasy went through his mind of Will taking his hand and thanking him for his work, that cold stare melting for a moment as their eyes met…

The streets were empty. Grell circled the block and the rooftops above twice before accepting that either their thief had recognized their presence, or just wasn't feeling particularly hungry this evening.

William was tucking his scythe away when he returned. To Grell's surprise, there was no ridicule for not catching the culprit. "I feared you wouldn't have much luck. This street is full of abandoned shops and decay, I haven't sensed another living soul that doesn't belong to a rat or this man since we arrived."

"Well I'm going home then, my shift is over and I am in desperate need of a bubble bath."

Will pushed his glasses up his nose. "I will be seeing you at the office. Your shift begins at dawn, you'll be off by sunset."

"Oooh maybe we can watch the sunset together." Grell shimmied his shoulders as he walked away.

He expected a reprimand of some kind but only silence followed him. Things had sure gotten weird lately. He dematerialized from the human world and was all too happy to arrive at his penthouse apartment. He shucked his clothes on his way to the bathroom, wriggling out of the awful pants that flattened him in all the wrong places. They were more work efficient than the long, flowing coat and heeled boots that he preferred but heavens they were uncomfortable.

Soon he was immersed in bubbles that smelt like every kind of berry. His red pedicured toenails and hair, pinned on top of his head, were the only things visible above the frothy water. He sighed in relief against the bubbles. The tension was going out of his muscles and disappearing into the hot water. Not too hot, though. He couldn't go drying his skin out.

The porcelain tub was the only white thing in the bathroom and was a stark contrast to the crimson rugs and black granite. He watched one of his apple scented candles burn on the side of the tub. Wax ran down the side of the taper candle onto its holder...it smelled lovely, and the drops of wax soon became a pool. He felt his eyes getting heavy. At least here, he could find some peace. There was no one degrading him for not working hard enough, no one correcting him when he referred to himself as "her." This was his home and his home could never judge him. Unfortunately it couldn't love him, either, but at least it was a sanctuary.

The candles were burning low and the bubbles had mostly evaporated when he closed his eyes at last. His hand went lax on the side of the tub and he surrendered to the much gentler world of dreams.

* * *

Sebastian sat on the stairs of the manor looking up at the moon. It turned the black fur of his companion to an enchanting silver. He stroked the cat in his lap and sighed. When they got to the most recent victim he was long dead and his soul had been reaped. Sebastian berated himself for the twinge of disappointment he had felt when they discovered the body. Instead of it being a result of once again being too late, he was a bit put off that the soul was already gone. It meant he would not be crossing paths with Grell.

He only cared because Grell could be useful to the case, of course. The reaper had once tried to divulge classified information to him in the past, he could probably get at least a lead on their killer from him. Yes, that was the reason. He didn't want or need to investigate the reaper's apparent memory loss. It was probably for the best anyway. If he wasn't throwing himself at Sebastian he didn't have to wrestle with his confusing feelings and could therefore focus on his duties.

Yellow eyes turned on him and seemed to ask, _Who are you kidding?_

How did they keep missing each other? Grell had pursued him from their first meeting and when he finally realized the reaper may not be all that bad, he had to go and get his memories taken away. Sebastian refused to believe it was a random case of memory loss. That didn't happen to reapers and it was too large a coincidence that his amnesia happened to encompass all his memories of Sebastian.

This was typical. He finally got his wish for Grell to be out of his life and now he wanted him back. He was a useful ally, after all. A gentle nip on his fingers drew his eyes back down to the stray. Once more he was being stared at.

He laid back on the stairs with a defeated sigh. For Satan's sake, he couldn't even fool a cat about his feelings.


	6. I'll Be Right Behind You

" _There's a room where the light won't find you_

 _Holding hands while the walls come tumbling down_

 _When they do, I'll be right behind you."_

 _-Everybody Wants to Rule The World_

The change in William's attitude was almost surreal. When Grell was sorting paperwork, the senior administrator leaned on the side of his desk and talked about their tasks for the day. He even pointed out the form Grell was looking for without telling him what a daft waste of space he was.

"I believe we have an hour before our first reaping," Will said after looking at the clock.

Grell raised an eyebrow over the frames of his glasses. "We? I'm off suspension, Will, I don't need a babysitter. Unless of course you just wish to be in my company."

"Until the thief of souls is caught we should work as a team. With both of us, we vastly decrease the chance of our culprit slipping away under our noses."

Grell almost batted his false eyelashes right off his face. "Let's hope he evades us awhile longer then, I do love some companionship. It's so nice to be needed," he said with a dreamy look toward the window.

"It's nice to get out jobs done." Will's voice was flat but still lacked its characteristic disdain.

They arrived in the human world with just over half an hour to spare before the reaping. Grell had once criticized Will for making himself known in front of humans but now he was the one who walked freely among them, ignoring their imploring looks at his appearance. If anything he was satisfied by the slight jealousy he observed from the women staring at his waist length red locks.

"Ugh we'll have to wait forever for this lady to kick it," Grell complained.

"I suppose we shall kill time then." Will stopped in front of a small tea shop and rested his hand on the door. "Shall we?"

"Say _what_? Will are you feeling okay? Don't get me wrong I'm all too flattered you want to enjoy an intimate moment in this romantic little-"

"Calm down, Sutcliff. I merely wish to blend in while we wait, there is no need to draw unnecessary attention to ourselves."

Grell all but floated into the shop. They took a seat by the window and he stared admiringly both at the single rose in a vase between them and at his company. The morning light hit Will's eyes and brought out the ring of gold just around his pupil before it faded into green. Oh, he was lovely.

The shop was made up only of the bar where the tea and pastries were prepared and a few wooden tables with stools sat around them. No dressings covered the windows, filling the shop with the gentle light of daybreak. The shop was empty besides them and Grell sunk deeper into the fantasy they were on a date. A girl can dream, right?

Grell took a sip of his tea, pinky up of course. It was delicious. He risked another glance at Will over his teacup. They could have just met up when it was time for the reaping but Will had stayed with him throughout the morning by choice. He didn't even seem to be miserable in Grell's company.

Will tugged the sleeve of his suit back to look at his watch. "We should get in position."

"Mm whatever position you like."

"Maybe later."

Grell had been moving to get up but he fell right off his stool when he heard that. Will stepped over him and left him sprawled on the floor, gaping. He was dreaming. That had to be it, he was still asleep and he was in a fantasy world. That man leaving money on the table and walking out of the shop was not really William T. Spears.

His spirits soared the rest of the day. Finally. _Finally_! He might have a real chance with somebody and a handsome fellow reaper to boot.

* * *

Sebastian had compiled his usual list of suspects. He had narrowed it down to his prime suspect, a drunkard whose daughter had been kidnapped earlier in the year. The suspect of her kidnapping was at large. Ciel was holding the sketch of the kidnapper and comparing it to the open file on his desk.

"All the victims resemble this sketch."

"Precisely, master."

"Well what are we doing sitting here? We need to track him down."

Sebastian bowed and fetched the carriage. They set out for the suspect's most recent known place of residence which was on the outskirts of the city. It was a long, quiet ride. Ciel was absorbed with his thoughts and took none of the bait Sebastian put out in an attempt to lure him into a conversation. The demon sighed. They were nearly halfway there when Ciel told him to go on ahead and assess the situation. Sebastian obliged with pleasure and jumped gracefully from the moving carriage, glad to be free of his sulking, silent company.

The suspect's residence was a modest one story stone house. Sebastian let his eyes adjust to the darkening twilight and made his way around the perimeter of the grounds. The chill in the air had turned to snow that began to fall and stick to the overgrown grass. A broken swing set stood alone in the backyard. The chains had rusted and vines grew around the wooden frame. Sebastian honed his senses to the house. There was the faint trace of a presence. Either the man had just left or for some reason his aura was weak.

He jumped from the abandoned swings to the back porch, closing the twenty foot gap with ease. The smell of drink and cigarettes was suffocating. Empty bottles littered the large porch, more so by the old wooden rocking chair to his left. The chair faced what Sebastian assumed was once his daughter's playground. He sighed. Death and loss were part of life, humans really let the most trifling things get the better of them.

"I didn't want it to be you."

Sebastian turned away from the door. At the bottom of the steps was Grell, snowflakes stuck to his hair and melting off his eyelashes. The reaper held his scythe with resolve but his eyes were far softer than his white knuckled grip. He was dressed in the same black ensemble from their last meeting but he wore his coat, Madam Red's coat. It was bunched around his elbows but Sebastian knew all too well it did not restrict his movements.

"To what are you referring?" Sebastian asked.

"I know you're here for his soul...I told myself I would only take action if I had solid proof."

Sebastian was confused, and also distracted by the flush brought to Grell's cheeks by the cold and the sparkling snow building on his hair. "What precisely would I want with this man's soul if he was in fact dead?"

"I know you haven't fed since you were contracting by the boy. You're starving and that man's soul is fresh, he hung himself less than an hour ago."

 _That explains the weak presence, I was only feeling his soul._ "I desire no soul other than my master's. I would like to know why you suspect me of coming to feed on this man."

"You and Ciel Phantomhive have been investigating the decapitations across London. The cinematic records of the victims have been disjointed, parts of their souls are missing. Surely you don't think you can sweet talk me into believing you just happen to be going into this man's house not long after his death." As always, Grell's tone suggested he would like nothing more than to be sweet talked, even though the chainsaw he had at the ready said otherwise.

"You appear to be misinformed about how demons feed, my dear."

Grell was caught off guard by the endearment. "H-how so?"

"We do not tear meat off our prey like an animal. We consume entirely or not at all. It is not possible for a demon to only take part of a soul, something a senior member of your staff should be able to tell you."

"A senior member of my staff is the one that told me you were probably the culprit," Grell said, then slapped his hands over his mouth.

Sebastian chuckled. "I don't have to ask who. I'm sure Mr. Spears knows exactly who has been doing this and would rather them be at large than lose the opportunity to frame me."

Grell's uncertainty vanished as quickly as it appeared. His chainsaw roared to life and he shouted over it, "Will said you would try to manipulate me, don't insult me by expecting me to fall for your tricks!"

He lunged and Sebastian rolled to the side just before the scythe pierced his chest. Grell tore it from the now splintered wooden planks and came at him again. Galloping hooves sounded in the distance, meaning Ciel was close. Either they had made better time of the rest of the journey than expected or Sebastian had been at the house longer than he realized. He flipped to avoid the next attack and landed behind Grell. As little as he wanted to, he knew he had to defend himself.

He locked his arms around the reaper's throat in a hold that would not kill him but it slowed him down. Grell didn't have to breathe but it was certainly a habit. He clawed at Sebastian's hands and gasped desperately for air as he left the ground. Sebastian leaned back, listening to Grell's breathing cut off entirely as his feet lifted off the porch. The couple inches of height he had on the reaper when his heels were off gave him the leverage he needed.

Grell's scythe slipped from his hands as he thrashed against Sebastian. He lurched forward to retrieve it but only choked himself worse, and Sebastian felt his fangs scratch his tongue as they tumbled sideways against the door. Why did this torture him so? He clenched his jaw with the effort of holding his true form in. His anger was calling it forth, begging it to be released and destroy the pain responsible for him having to do this. It was different than violence he had freely bestowed on Grell in the past. He didn't know how, but this hurt.

Ciel had arrived at the bottom of the stairs amidst their struggle. He eyed Grell with utmost hatred; Sebastian understood, as this was the reaper who had killed Ciel's beloved aunt, and whose personality grated Ciel like no other. Sebastian's heart sunk as he realized this time there was nothing holding Ciel back. Grell was not useful to their mission, he was but a nuisance that Ciel could finally put a stop to.

Grell threw himself forward and planted his feet on the ground. He almost managed to flip Sebastian but the demon was transfixed by Ciel, who was lifting his eyepatch to reveal the glowing seal underneath.

"Sebastian."

Even as he resisted, Sebastian was compelled by powers outside of his control to remove his glove with his teeth, arms still locked around the reaper's neck. "My lord."

No, he couldn't let this happen. Grell couldn't die. Not before his memories were restored and Sebastian could properly reprimand him for being such a fool. How stupid could one be to fall for a demon, a creature born from darkness made purely to serve itself and its own needs? Grell should have had his head bashed for handling his heart so carelessly and Sebastian could hardly do that if he was dead.

"Sebastian, I order you-"

Sebastian threw his weight forward and sent them crashing through the doors. They landed in a heap of splintered wood and torn screen, both on their knees. A soft light filled the drawing room they had landed in. Their suspect's cinematic record curled upward from his body. Even as Sebastian watched, pieces of it broke off into smaller strips and disappeared into the end of a death scythe.

Ciel's order had been cut off but Sebastian forgot it for the time being as he watched William T. Spears break apart the human soul he was meant to reap. It took Grell a few moments longer to process what he was seeing. Sebastian's grip had gone slack in surprise and the reaper fell forward onto his hands and knees. His green eyes were blank and fixed on what was happening in front of him.

His master stepped through the rubble to stand behind them. He, too, observed with silence. Sebastian did not turn to see if his expression was one of surprise or not.

"Will...what are you doing?" Grell whispered before he was seized by a coughing fit as his lungs tried to fill with air all at once.

The reaper in question sighed and retracted his scythe. "I should have known you would interfere, demon."

"I'm terribly sorry. I was just here to have my dinner," Sebastian said with heavy sarcasm.

"Will!" Grell cried.

He went ignored. "The slight breaking of rules would have been worth ridding the world of you, Sebastian Michaelis. I nearly succeeded."

Sebastian stood up and brushed himself off. "Perhaps you should not have counted your coworker as quite that easily manipulated. After all, his hesitation to follow your orders is the reason I am alive and well." That could get Grell in trouble but he couldn't resist rubbing it in that insufferable, pompous bastard's face a bit.

"Counted on him? Don't flatter him, you parasite. No wonder he cares for you so deeply, you are both just as arrogant and delusional. You think all too highly of yourselves to both be examples of how your species can go wrong. He is a poor excuse for a reaper and you are the sorriest demon I have ever had to look upon, letting your feelings inhibit you as they do."

Grell's head had been sinking lower and lower, and at Will's words his forehead almost touched the floor. He looked even more beaten down than he had the night he had come to the Phantomhive manor. Sebastian spared a glance at Ciel who looked bored and clearly just wanted to close their case and return home. If the man who committed suicide was indeed their murderer they had to hope he had left evidence behind or they could over no real closure to the Queen.

There were about to be two murders. Sebastian's claws rested just behind the tips of his gloves, ready to break through. Will continued droning on and with every word he was pushed that much closer to murdering the reaper without orders and violating his contract.

"You seem to have an elevated opinion of Grell Sutcliff as of late; you should have seen how quickly he bent to my will and you might realize your mistake. A bit of warmth and he melted in my hands, allowing me to form him into whatever tool I needed. I felt sure once he developed a sense of loyalty towards me he would kill you but unfortunately, matters of the heart are not an exact science."

"I guess you're lucky not to have one, then," Grell spat, lifting his head to glare at Will.

"Get what we need and finish this," Ciel said. "I'll be waiting in the carriage."

"As you wish."

Once he was gone Sebastian took Grell by the elbow and pulled him up. The reaper's eyes glowed bright green with anger and hurt. A wave of energy pulsated through the room; Sebastian felt the vibrations under his feet. A shadow extended from behind Grell that was his but not his, for it shadowed not his coat but a hooded, billowing reaper's cloak and his death scythe.

Oh, dear. Will had gone and gotten himself on Grell's bad side.


	7. Caught In a Fading Light

" _Here we are, set into motion_

 _We'll steal a car and crash in the ocean_

 _You and I, caught in a fading light_

 _On the longest night_

 _I recall when we were together_

 _Even now, it seems like forever_

 _So alive caught in a fading light_

 _On the longest night."_

 _-Howie Day, The Longest Night_

The snow that had been blowing into the room began to swirl around Grell's feet. Sebastian stepped to his side. He had orders to finish this, which conveniently aligned with his desire to help fight William. With a metallic _ting_ , he flicked the knives out of his sleeves and into his hands. They were only butter knives but they held their own remarkably well in battle. They shook between his fingers, pulled towards what seemed to be a gravitational pull emanating from the shinigami.

"Why are you helping me? Demons and reapers aren't known to be best pals," Grell said as he revved his chainsaw.

"How about this, survive this battle with the incentive that I'll answer all of your questions when we're done." Sebastian winked and turned scarlet eyes on William.

The senior reaper's scythe shot out and missed Grell by a hair. It pinned him to the doorframe behind him but only by his coat. Grell tore his arms out of the now ruined coat ( _William is going to pay for that, Grell loved that coat_ , Sebastian thought) and lunged for the man who betrayed him. Sebastian disappeared in a blur and reappeared on the other side of Will, wondering all the while just how close they must have gotten for Grell to be this upset.

Disgusting images went through his mind and he snarled. None of this would be an issue if Grell still had his memories, he wouldn't look twice at this lanky, civil servant looking sod if he knew there was even a miniscule chance Sebastian had taken an interest in him.

Will rolled forward when Grell came at him and swept the red head's feet from under him. He dropped Grell to the floor and jumped back to his feet, hand on his scythe. It shot into the floor where Grell had been an instant ago, the reaper having rolled to the side at the last second. Sebastian went for the suited reaper but a booted foot in his path halted him.

"Leave him he's mine," Grell said. He bared his sharp teeth in the wickedest of smiles as he swung his chainsaw again.

Will leaped into the air and landed behind him but Grell seemed to be anticipating this and brought his scythe in a full arc too fast for Will to evade its path.

Grell landed a clean hit across Will's side, splattering the deceased man's body below them with blood. Will had dodged just in time to keep it from going through his chest but he still took a nasty blow. He staggered back and gasped as half a dozen knives went into his back. Sebastian lifted him up until he slid all the way onto the knives and the reaper's back was flush with his knuckles. Will was spitting up blood onto his suit.

"Finish him, Grell."

Will convulsed from the silver piercing his spinal cord but managed to say, "He doesn't have it in him."

Grell raced forward and Sebastian smiled as he twisted the knives with a turn of his wrist. "Oh, I think you'll find that she does."

The use of the word _she_ surprised both reapers. Even as his chainsaw pierced Will's chest, Grell was smiling. His eyes were lit up as he looked at Sebastian and it made something that felt dangerously like his heart clench.

Then he saw the trickle of blood out of Grell's mouth, and only when he pulled his chainsaw out of Will did Sebastian see the long metal scythe. Grell was ran clean through. He let go of Will and caught Grell as he began to stagger backward. His eyes were beginning to cloud but he still smiled. Sebastian held him up, yelling for him to stand, demanding him to hold on.

"You sure are some handsome vermin," Grell said after spitting out another mouthful of blood.

There was blood on every surface, whether it was Grell's or William's there was no longer any telling. It was a sight Grell probably would have appreciated if he wasn't hitting his knees on the floor, on the verge of collapse. Before Sebastian could stop him he retracted the scythe in his chest and tossed the now shorter metal rod aside.

Will lay on the floor wheezing, dying every bit as slowly as he deserved. The lenses of his glasses were shattered out of the frames, sending is gaze a few feet to the left but Sebastian felt sure it was meant to be fixed on Grell.

"I was saving you from him," he said, voice weak.

Grell and Sebastian knelt in front of each other, the latter holding up the former, and Grell rolled his head to look at his former comrade. "Excuse me?"

"I was trying to save you from your own damned heart, Sutcliff. That hellish creature can never return your love."

The sound was tortured because of his injuries but Grell laughed. "You did a smashing job of protecting me from my heart, you put a giant HOLE IN IT!"

Yelling seemed to do him in, as he fell forward against Sebastian's shoulder after his outburst. "I got that B average bastard..." he muttered.

"You did well."

Grell tilted his head up to look at him, struggling to keep his eyes open. "Why do I not get my dark prince who swoops in to save the day until it's too late?"

"I did minimal swooping, and no saving, clearly. Besides I believe that's too harsh an evaluation, perhaps it isn't too late. You are a heaven sent god of death I don't see you dying so easily."

Grell laughed. "You're about to. I can hold on to life longer than an average human but I am not invulnerable. Above overpriced perfume and tall, dark men is my greatest weakness: the death scythe. It is the only weapon that can mortally wound me."

Sebastian stared down at him, wondering not for the first time but possibly the last, when this insufferable reaper had crawled under his skin. At a time he would have cheered that the two beings he detested most had impaled each other. It would have been Christmas! Or, more appropriately ranked on his list of favorite holidays, Samhain. Nonetheless he never predicted the day he would feel grief as Grell bled out.

A sharp pain on his cheek brought him back to his senses. Grell glared at him and Sebastian realized the reaper had slapped him with considerable strength for a dying man. "Don't you dare, demon!"

"I beg your pardon?"

A cold sweat had broken out across his skin and a white light was gathering in the hole in his chest, but somehow Grell looked as fierce and formidable as ever. "Don't you dare look at me with pity in your eyes. I have carried myself with class each day of my existence and I will carry myself to death with nothing less! That man toyed with my heart for the last time and if I die punishing him for that, so be it.

"What's it to you anyway? I'm flattered that you'll miss me so dearly but you seem awfully upset about a reaper who said he would kill you."

Sebastian smiled. His eyes burned but they stayed their normal color. As a demon he could not cry but for the first time he knew what it felt like for a human to shed tears of anger. He was furious that Grell had not only been stolen away from him but by someone Sebastian already hated. He pushed Grell's messy, fiery locks out of his eyes.

"You know what it is to me. Perhaps you don't realize it, but somewhere behind the locked door he placed your memories behind you know that I was just another man who toyed with your heart. Alas, like cancer, you grew on me rather against my will."

Will shuddered out his last breath. Grell's eyes had fallen closed, but with that last exhalation of the other reaper, they flew back open and he gasped. Sebastian lowered him onto his back and looked into his suddenly dilated eyes. Was it shock? Was he finally losing the fight to hang on?

Grell seized his gloved hand. If Sebastian had been a human his fingers would be broken but he hardly noticed the force. He was frozen by the pool of blood underneath Grell, and the serene smile that had broken out across his face. There was a familiar shine to his eyes that was fading as quickly as it appeared. _I'm losing him,_ Sebastian realized.

"Bassy..." He raised their joined hands to Sebastian's cheek and stroked it lovingly. "How could I have ever forgotten you?"

His hand finally went slack. It fell to his side into the pool of blood. Sebastian shouted but later he wouldn't remember what he said, he shook Grell but couldn't have recalled what he thought it would accomplish. He only knew he was cursing Heaven, cursing Hell, berating Death for being so unfair as to take the life of its own loyal servant. Death was part of life...Sebastian knew that. But not part of _this_ life, not yet.

He was shaking as he put his head on Grell's chest. It did not rise, nor fall. It was still.


	8. Intermission: Help Me!

Hey just a quick author's note/request! I would love a good Grell/Sebastian or Ciel/Sebastian fic to read so if you know of any please drop me a review with the author and title. Don't be shy you're welcome to list your own! Can be with or without mature content it doesn't matter. I have been trying to find one but there is loads of Kuroshitsuji fan fiction and I would appreciate suggestions. Thanks much xoxo


	9. We Can Have Forever

" _Who dares to love forever_

 _When love must die_

 _But touch my tears with your lips_

 _And touch my world with your fingertips_

 _And we can have forever."_

 _-Who Wants to Live Forever_

Demons were creatures of cold logic. He knew he should just give up, cut his losses and search the premises for evidence. But he didn't. The weather was escalating to a blizzard and he became a black streak among the white countryside as he raced back to the city. He didn't slow down until he was at the Phantomhive manor, with Grell's motionless form cradled in his arms. The reaper was tacky with blood but Sebastian hardly noticed his ruined clothes as he walked inside.

"I beg your pardon, Master, but I have a favor to ask."

Ciel blinked several times as if he didn't believe that Sebastian was standing in the doorway of his study, covered in snow, holding Grell's body. "And that is?"

"I wish to make an effort to revive Grell Sutcliff. He has been useful in the past and I feel we are losing a valuable pawn if we allow him to die."

"He looks quite dead to me."

The formalities were ripping Sebastian apart but he couldn't attempt this without Ciel's permission. Damned contract. "To me as well, my lord, but Reapers are notoriously hard to kill. Though I might add that if I am to revive him time is of the-"

"You seem awfully concerned for someone who has always wanted nothing more than to kill him yourself," Ciel snapped.

Sebastian sighed. Ciel was going to get jealous now, of all times. Sometimes he had to wonder about the nature of the boy's feelings toward him. Had Ciel contracted him when he was at least post pubescent Sebastian could see how even his own feelings would grow confused, as the boy's cunning and ruthlessness appealed to his darkest parts. However, he was only a boy, and the person who _did_ have Sebastian's attention was lying lifeless in his arms.

"I exist to serve you, my lord, and I feel having a shinigami as our ally is an advantage."

Ciel's eye narrowed. "Close our case and have the evidence I need to present to the Queen by daybreak. That's an order. If you can do that, do with that foul reaper what you will."

"Very good, my lord."

He was gone so fast that the papers on Ciel's desk blew away, leaving him to stare after his butler. Sebastian was already in one of the many spare rooms. He laid Grell out on a polished marble table and cut his shirt open with a knife. The wound was gruesome. A white light was swirling in it, leading Sebastian to believe if he was a reaper that he would be able to see his cinematic record.

He took his glove off and pressed his hand to Grell's chest. Having Ciel's permission to do what he wished allowed him use of his power through their contract seal. His power was meant for destruction, though, not salvation. He didn't think it would do Grell much good.

His demonic aura filled the mostly empty room with a greenish black light. It began to envelop Grell's body. No, not his body. That made it sound too much like all hope was lost. Sebastian had learned centuries ago not to rely on hope as it was a fickle and unreliable thing but there was a spark of something in him that was clinging to the idea of saving Grell.

He was sucked into Grell's soul. It was similar to how it felt to consume one but he couldn't eat the soul of a reaper, not only because he was contracted but it was also too inhuman. The room disappeared and he was cycled through a myriad of memories. He saw a tiny child in a classroom of other green eyed students, doodling on his paper and fiddling with his spiky red hair. The child morphed into a teenager with a messy ponytail being trained in combat. He twirled a wooden staff that seemed to represent a scythe and matched the teacher with ease much to the "oohs" and "ahhs" of his fellow students.

Sebastian watched him become an adult. He felt his confusion as he realized he didn't identify as a man, saw him be ridiculed and cast out for his sexuality. Grell continued to fall for men that rejected him, and it seemed the crueler they were to him, the harder he fell. His memories of Sebastian seemed to be viewed with a rosy tint. A couple of other people in his life had earned such reverence (including Will, sickeningly enough) but Sebastian seemed to have the most profound effect of all.

Their night together was a surreal experience even in his memories. What had been primitive, thoughtless pleasure to Sebastian was tender lovemaking to Grell. He was forced to watch Will beat him, and then came the moment Grell lost his memories. Somehow Will found out he had sought shelter with Sebastian, and the demon watched the memory play out as if he was standing there.

 _They were the last two in the office. Grell's injuries had healed save for a single cut in his lip from where he had bitten it during the fight. Will eyed it with guilt but it was quickly washed away by anger. As soon as their eyes met, Grell knew he could sense the demon on him. He stood up from his desk. Here went another fight._

" _You were an excellent reaper. Our first mission together, though I could defeat you, your skills were still remarkable."_

 _Grell sat the paperweight he had picked up for defense back down. "Er...thank you?"_

" _I still see potential in you. It could be recognized, if only you were not so infatuated with that hellspawn."_

" _You know I can't help it. Besides, my career was in the toilet well before he came along. That whole Jack the Ripper mess...heh." His laugh was forced and nervous, as Will was coming around to his side of the desk._

 _Will put his hands on his shoulders. There was an odd weight in one of his sleeves. Grell's nervousness grew and he started to edge away but the senior reaper's grip tightened. A syringe slid into Will's hand._

" _When I explained the situation and the measures I felt were necessary, the board granted me the means to take action. They don't agree with me on your potential but I stuck my neck out for you, Grell."_

" _What are you doing?" Grell shrieked._

 _There was a tiny, cold prick in the side of his neck. "While you're under the influence of this serum I can manipulate your memories...you'll forget him, Grell. You will be able to perform your duties without distraction." As Grell became lightheaded and paralyzed, he distantly heard Will say, "You will be able to love one of your own again."_

He saw the months Grell spent with no memory of him, the fight with Will, and finally the happiness that overtook him in his last moments as Will's hold broke with his death. His memories returned just long enough for him to bask in how romantic it was to die in Sebastian's arms. Then Sebastian was pulled into blackness.

The sudden end to his journey through Grell's soul send his stomach plummeting to his feet. It was done, then. He was gone.

Just as the realization began to sink in, a light flickered at the edge of the blackness.

Sebastian accepted that the feeling he had was in fact hope, for it lit him up like a beacon when he saw that flicker of light in Grell's soul. He chased that light with everything he had. It was desperate and miniscule and beautiful. Grell was still fighting.

"Grell!"

A vague shape was taking form in the darkness, which had stretched to create a long corridor. The faster Sebastian ran the further away the reaper got. He seemed to sprint for miles before he was close enough to reach out to Grell. This was different than traveling through his memories, which Sebastian could view but not interact with. The reaper in front of him now was the one of present.

"Bassy?"

Sebastian closed the distance between them and grabbed Grell's shoulders. "You're in limbo, your soul is still clinging to life."

"I'm great at limbo, being triple jointed and all," Grell said with a grin.

"Focus. You're dying."

"I'm _dead_ ," Grell corrected.

The corridor was becoming more defined. The flickering light that had first drawn Sebastian had grown into a flame, and soon flames licked up the walls around them. The air was humid and stiflingly hot. Sebastian had been born of hellfire and was unaffected, but he could see the sheen of sweat broken out on Grell's face. Only then did he realize where they were.

Home sweet home.

"How did you end up here?" he wondered aloud.

"William stabbed me with his death scythe, dear, keep up."

Sebastian looked down. The floor was cracked and he could see the fire underneath the surface. He had never given a lot of thought to where a reaper went they died but he certainly didn't think they could go to Hell. The blaze of hellfire was reflected in Grell's eyes, who seemed unfazed by the ordeal. Sebastian supposed he should have expected Grell to go into death as he did anything else, with grace and fearlessness.

"I'm going to get you out of here."

Grell smiled and stepped into him. He rested his cheek on Sebastian's chest. "My dark knight came all the way to the pits of Hell to rescue my soul, as many butterflies as that gives me Bassy I don't think I'm going anywhere. I'm quite familiar with how death works."

Sebastian put a finger under his chin and tilted his head up. "Since when has Grell Sutcliff been so eager to play by the rules?"

"But how..."

"You seem to forget, I came from this place. I can move through it with ease. Removing a soul from Hell is forbidden but I can handle the damper it will put on my welcome home party when I return."

Black feathers began to float around them. Soon the firelight disappeared and there was only darkness as they were caught in a whirlwind of feathers and black light. Grell squealed and held on to him tightly. Sebastian felt like his body was being ripped apart. Hell fought their escape but he fought harder. It seemed to take a lifetime longer to get back to his realm than it did to reach Grell but he knew it was just his eagerness to return the reaper's soul to his body talking.

"Bassy!" Grell cried as the whirlwind around them increased, the feathers whipping about them madly and stinging their skin. Sebastian looked down at him and for a moment he could swear he saw the hellfire reflected in Grell's eyes again but they were too well protected by his essence for that light to reach them.

There was a sharp pain in his arms and then he found himself back in the human realm. His eyes shot open to find small bloody holes in his sleeves where Grell's fingers had been. He touched them curiously. They seemed to be claw marks. He stared down at the table where Grell's body lay and smiled when he saw the faintest rising of the reaper's chest. Grell was weak, but he was alive.

The moon was much higher in the sky than it had been when he left. He had to complete Ciel's orders before it was too late. Grell would be unconscious for quite some time, anyway. He ordered the servants to let no one into the room until he returned. With Will dead Grell shouldn't have been in any more danger but he wasn't about to risk it.

There was enough hard evidence in the man's home to convince Sebastian that he had never cared if he got caught. A picture of each victim was pinned to the bedroom wall with a red X on their face. Below them all, there was a framed portrait of a strawberry blond girl Sebastian knew was his daughter. He gathered the evidence and returned downstairs. Will's body was gone but he wasn't surprised, he had expected the reapers to come collect him quickly. All that remained in the room was the murderer's corpse, and the mingled blood of a human and two reapers.

Sebastian looked down at the massive pool of blood where Grell had succumbed to his injuries. He left and took once more to a sprint across the countryside. It didn't matter now, he had salvaged the reaper's soul before it could be completely claimed by the afterlife. Grell was safe.

* * *

Grell sat bolt upright. He looked around frantically. The room was empty except for the table he was on and a set of chairs by a fireplace in the corner. A small, dusty stack of books sat in the window sill. Oh...those windows. He sighed in relief. Those windows belonged to the Phantomhive manor. At the moment they were lit up by the moon and the white landscape outside. He turned sideways and got to his feet. It was trial and error, as he fell on his first attempt and had to pull himself back up, but that was his own fault for not thinking of the fact he had briefly been dead. His legs weren't going to be the strongest yet.

He walked over to the window and smiled. Sebastian had saved him. Not just saved him, he had traveled to Hell and pulled him out of it. He didn't know if the demon had started to care or if he just couldn't admit defeat, least of all to Will, but he was grateful nonetheless. He thought back to their night together and his smile widened. Perhaps he could entice Bassy into letting him express his gratitude.

He pushed his horrifically matted hair out of his eyes, thinking of what it would be like when he returned to dispatch and who would replace Will. Then he caught sight of his reflection. For a minute he just stared, sure his newly revived eyes were playing tricks on him.

They were not. In the center of his glowing green eyes were slitted pupils, and holding his hair back were fingers that ended in glossy black claws.


	10. Closer to the Edge

_"I don't remember one moment I tried to forget_  
 _I lost myself yet I'm better not sad_  
 _Now I'm closer to the edge_

 _It was a a thousand to one and a million to two_  
 _Time to go down in flames and I'm taking you_  
 _Closer to the edge"_

 _-Closer to the Edge, Thirty Seconds to Mars_

When Sebastian returned, the room he'd left Grell in was empty and the window was shattered. He ran outside where the moon had set and the black sky was turning to gray. Ciel was satisfied to have his case closed and Sebastian's time was once again his own besides his normal duties, but he couldn't very well check on Grell if he couldn't find him.

There was a single set of footsteps in the snow. He followed them until he found the reaper sitting under a tree, staring into a puddle of water where the ice had melted. Sebastian crouched in front of him.

"Now tell me, what wrong did that window ever commit?"

Grell looked up and Sebastian's eyes widened. The morning was suddenly much colder. He stared at the reaper just to make sure his eyes were not deceiving him, but the longer he held Grell's gaze, the more transfixed he was by the snakelike pupils identical to his own.

"My...it would seem you brought a bit of Hell back with you."

Grell lifted his hands from the snow to reveal his claws. "I'll say."

Sebastian removed his glove from the hand without his contract seal. He raised his hand to Grell's and entwined their fingers, and their claws. His stomach gave an odd lurch. Having Grell alive again had bestowed the strangest feeling upon him, almost a weightlessness, as if his feet were never quite on the ground. He would almost call it joy. Once more, he was confused by the feelings this obnoxious being elicited from him.

"I'm afraid I have to begin preparing breakfast."

Grell's voice was distant, and his grip on Sebastian's hand was weak. "Alright."

"I will implore the young master to let you stay here until you are well enough recovered to travel."

"Where?"

Sebastian tilted his head. "Pardon?"

"Travel where? Am I supposed to return to Dispatch with claws, looking like the very thing reapers detest most? Return to the board that undoubtedly believes I murdered my superior? I've been a loose cannon from the day I became a shinigami, no one would believe that Will struck first. If I don't get sentenced to execution for that, I will be for being...well, whatever I am," he said, looking to their joined hands. "A demon, I suppose."

"You are not a demon, your eyes aren't red. You do, however, possess some of our characteristics. Not for the first time I don't quite know what to think of you." Sebastian smiled and Grell returned it, if only with a small tilt of his lips.

Sebastian rose to his feet, pulling the reaper (?) with him. He let go of his hands and had to busy himself putting his glove back on to keep from acting on his fleeting desire to embrace Grell. These feelings were becoming a problem. He should have begun breakfast preparations over three minutes ago and he was not even in the kitchen yet. It was shameful behavior to say the least.

(())

It was past daybreak when he found Grell again. The red head was sitting cross legged on Sebastian's bed reading a dusty romance novel out of the library. Sebastian observed him from the doorway.

"You could use a bath and a change of clothes, yes?"

Grell looked up and grinned. "Why Bassy, if you wanted to get me naked you could have just asked."

Sebastian smirked and appeared in front of Grell in a blur. He reveled in the reaper's girlish squeal as he lifted Grell off the bed and toted him off to the washroom, noticing that his natural scent of flowers and fruit had survived the fires of Hell. His hand had slipped under Grell's shirt when he picked him up and he couldn't help but enjoy the softness of his skin.

Grell's shrieking was reduced to a dull hum as Sebastian mulled over if _his_ skin was the right way to phrase it. He had the organs of a male but Sebastian had the body of a human. That didn't stop him from knowing he was a demon inside of a human, was it the same for Grell? He sighed and sat the reaper on his feet. Maybe this was the true reason he had detested Grell for so long, he made Sebastian ask himself too many difficult questions.

The washroom was immaculately clean and decorated only with a spray of fresh lavender in a vase next to the tub for its relaxing scent. Sebastian had a bit of a weakness for aromatherapy. There was no day that couldn't be cured by the scent of lavender, brimstone, and the smell of a delicious meal. He might have to add licorice and roses to that list if he didn't kick these bothersome feelings for Grell Sutcliff.

He undressed Grell and began to clean him up. It was a more time consuming task than the night Grell had come to him after being beaten by Will; dying entailed quite a lot of blood loss. Sebastian found himself lingering in places that he had already cleaned, examining parts of Grell's body that were not wounded. In fact the reaper's skin was unmarred except for a large scar in the center of his chest.

"Sebastian?"

The demon looked up from where he knelt at Grell's feet. When their eyes met, Grell's cheeks turned a charming shade of pink. "Why did you come for me?"

"I came because...Well, I..." Sebastian wrestled with his choices for an answer, but looking into those piercing eyes, he find himself unable to speak anything but the truth. "I don't know. Perhaps I felt responsible, perhaps I felt..."

"Felt what?" Grell pushed when he trailed off.

Sebastian stood up and silenced him with a kiss. He opened Grell's mouth with his tongue and explored it slowly, hands going into the reaper's hair when he melted into Sebastian. He was fully clothed but he could feel the warmth of Grell's bare skin through the layers of cotton. Oh, this was a bad idea. It was first thing in the morning, the young master would be calling him for something any time now.

His fingers quickly got halted by the clumps of dried blood in Grell's hair. He chuckled and pulled away, despite Grell's whine of protest. "I believe your hair is in more dire need of my touch than your body, Grell."

Grell's eyes widened and he covered his head. "No! It's fine."

"Some of these matted areas will have to be cut out, I don't think you want unevenly layered hair do you?"

Grell deflated. "No."

"Let me take care of you, then."

He pulled Grell's arms off his head and gave him the robe hanging next to his towel. The black satin was all too becoming against his white skin and fiery hair. Sebastian took a chair out of the bedroom and sat Grell down, who was petting his hair as if he was about to be separated from an old friend. He rubbed the red locks against his cheek and almost fell off his chair when he saw the shears in Sebastian's hand.

Sebastian pulled his hair over the back of the chair and combed through it the best he could. "It will grow back."

"But it took _ages_ to get it this long!"

"You have plenty of time."

He began snipping away and Grell made a sound of discomfort every time the blades severed a lock of hair. Sebastian stifled laughter as the pile on the floor grew larger and Grell's sounds grew more agonized. He salvaged as much as he could but death and Hell had been unforgiving companions to Grell's hair, and soon there was more of it in the floor than on the reaper's head.

When he finished, Grell's eyes were screwed shut. Sebastian turned the chair toward the mirror. "You'll have to open them eventually."

Grell opened one a tiny bit, and screamed. Sebastian sighed.

"I look like I did during exams! It's so _short_!"

"It looks lovely."

Grell seemed to forget his horror for a moment, and fluttered his lashes in the mirror at Sebastian. "Does it?"

Sebastian ran his hand through his somewhat spiky hair and pulled the bangs away from Grell's eyes. "It becomes you."

Just like that Grell didn't care that there was a couple feet of his beloved hair on the floor. He jumped up from the chair and wrapped his arms around Sebastian's waist and pressed their bodies flush together. His eyes were hungry, and Sebastian involuntarily answered their hunger with a low growl. He snatched Grell around the waist and spun him into the wall.

"You do so enjoy provoking me."

"Can you blame a girl? You're delicious when you're all fired up."

It would seem Hell had not burned away as much of Grell as he thought. For the second time, he gave in to the reaper. He reached into the folds of his robe and began to stroke Grell, whose head dropped back against the wall with a shudder. It must have felt too good for him to protest this time. Grell's claws scratched the wallpaper and sent the best kind of chills down Sebastian's spine. His control, which had already been tattered, dissipated entirely.

He began to ravage Grell's body in earnest. His tongue and teeth created a trail of bruises down his pale neck and chest. He saw Grell's toes curl against the white tile floor as he sucked a mark onto the reaper's collarbone. That not quite shoulder length hair was perfect for Sebastian to grab and pull as he kissed Grell again. Grell's hands went under Sebastian's shirt and sought purchase on his back, leaving long scratches in his wake.

"Grell," he moaned, loosening the sash at the reaper's waist and pulling his robe open.

"Sebastian!"

It took a second to realize it was not Grell who called his name. Sebastian's head jerked toward the voice and found Ciel standing in the doorway, mouth agape and fumbling with his eye patch as if trying to find a way to put it on both eyes at once.

He released Grell and was kneeling before Ciel in an instant, hearing Grell crash to the floor behind him. He put his hand to his chest and bowed his head. "My lord."

"That hand was just...GET AWAY FROM ME!"


	11. We're Goin' Down Swinging

" _We're going down, down in an earlier round_

 _And sugar we're goin' down swinging_

 _I'll be your number one with a bullet_

 _A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it."_

 _-Sugar We're Goin Down, Fall Out Boy_

"I suppose you're going to tell me you wished to determine just how _useful_ of an ally he would be."

"Such an excuse had not crossed my mind, but that is quite a good answer. May I use it?"

"SEBASTIAN I-"

"That's a no, then, very well."

Ciel paused to take a deep breath. He was furious. His chest heaved and his fists were clenched on the desk. The three of them sat in the study, thankfully with a large desk between the lord of the house and the two supernaturals he had found getting frisky in his butler's washroom. Sebastian was quietly listening to his master rant and throwing the occasional warning look to Grell when the reaper was about to burst into laughter at Ciel's anger.

"Sebastian, I would like you to explain yourself," Ciel said.

The demon considered his answer carefully. He had not disobeyed orders so he was in no danger of violating his contract but he still had to remain by Ciel's side until he had enacted his revenge. It would be much more pleasant if Ciel didn't set out to make the remainder of their time together as miserable for Sebastian as possible. Unfortunately, inflicting misery was Ciel's area of expertise so Sebastian chose to take care.

Well, the truth was always a good place to start. "I did not have to begin preparing your lunch for another two hours."

Ciel opened his mouth, presumably to keep yelling, then closed it with a slight green tinge to his face. Sebastian supposed he was once again thinking of where he had seen his butler's hands and thinking of those same hands preparing his meals.

"I knew I shouldn't have let you save him. You seemed too invested in the outcome." He buried his face in his hands and stared between his fingers at the bite marks on Grell. The reaper was dressed in a pair of Sebastian's slacks and a white dress shirt that was still unbuttoned.

"Don't blame Bassy I was just trying to thank him for saving my life."

"Then why are YOU the one with the bruises and wearing his clothes because, as I recall, I found YOU naked!"

"Oh there's no need to be bitter just because you're jealous of my glorious physique."

Sebastian propped his elbow on the arm of the chair and pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers. "You are not helping, Grell."

Grell's eyes flashed and a moment later, Sebastian detected the presence, too. He barely had time to leap across the desk and push Ciel down before the window shattered. They were littered with glass but most of them stuck in Sebastian's back or landed on the floor.

Two reapers he didn't recognize were on either side of Grell with standard issue scythes to his throat. "Grell Sutcliff, you have been convicted for the murder of William T. Spears, Management Division."

"Without a trial?!"

"The board has already sentenced you to be stripped of all Dispatch issued items and executed at dusk."

The other reaper reached for the chain hanging from Grell's glasses. "We will be needing your death scythe and spectacles."

Grell grabbed one of each reaper's arms and flipped them as he jumped to his feet. His chainsaw was roaring to life before they had even hit the ground. Sebastian stood as well, and pulled Ciel behind him. He had to prioritize his master's safety but the reapers cared nothing about Ciel so long as he didn't interfere.

Luckily, taking the reapers down was for Ciel's protection as well as Grell's. Sebastian readied his knives while the two young reapers got back to their feet. He couldn't imagine why Dispatch had sent these two pups to take in a shinigami as powerful as Grell, unless the board had thought they were only retrieving a body. Grell had knocked the taller one, a blond, back to the floor with a single kick to his solar plexus.

"I don't like hurting my own, why don't you kids just run along," Grell suggested, drumming his claws on the side of his chainsaw.

Neither the reapers or Ciel had noticed them until then, and as the blond reaper tried in vain to get back up, Ciel demanded, "Why does he-"

"Please allow me to answer you later, my lord, we have a bit of a situation."

"Oh I hadn't noticed," Ciel snarled.

Sebastian ignored his sarcasm and caught the shorter, dark haired reaper that fell into him missing both of his arms. The amputated limbs had fallen on the blond reaper and blood dripped from the end of Grell's scythe, whose eyes had gone red. Sebastian threw the reaper to the ground and looked back at Ciel.

Ciel knew what he was waiting for. He removed his eyepatch. "Destroy the reapers. That's an order."

Sebastian obliged happily and pinned the struggling blond to the floor. He kept him still and Grell knocked him out with the heavy grip on his scythe. Sebastian looked up, knowing his own eyes were blazing, and saw Grell staring down at the carnage he had created. His shirt was splattered with blood, though none of his own, and a wide smile had broken across his face. It reminded Sebastian a lot of their first meeting, when he had caught Grell right after a murder he committed as Jack the Ripper. How things had changed since then.

He reached for Grell, eager to make sure none of the blood was his own, and felt a strange pulling. An inexplicable need to hurt Grell seized him and he fought it even as his hands went for the red head's throat. His contract seal glowed bright through his glove and he remembered.

 _Destroy the reapers._

A hatred stronger than anything he had known surged through him. He turned once more to Ciel, who still held his eyepatch in his hand and stared Sebastian down with their contract seal. That bastard.

"I'm sorry," Sebastian said, and threw Grell to the floor.

Grell was not braced to fight back. They had sparred plenty over the time they had known each other but now the reaper's hands lay limp at his sides, and he simply looked up at Sebastian with a smile. It faltered when Sebastian's hand closed around his throat.

"We can do the kinky stuff...later..." he gasped, trying to pull Sebastian's hand away.

Sebastian leaned down to his ear, his grip tightening. "You must fight back...you have to run. He'll make me kill you."

When he leaned back Grell's eyes were wide and pained. They were full of shock, followed closely by sadness and acceptance. He had looked less devastated when he realized he was dying. It seemed to hurt him far worse when he had to throw Sebastian off and dodge his blows.

"I can't fight you, not now!" he cried, sidestepping a kick from the demon.

Sebastian begged him with his eyes, all the while wishing to tear Ciel's throat out and wipe that smug look off his face. He tried to avoid putting himself in a position where he could get to Grell's scythe, which he assumed was still the only thing that could kill him. Grell grabbed his arm the next time he swung and pulled them together. His eyes sparkled, and Sebastian thought he would surely be swallowed by the lowest pits of Hell if he had to see Grell cry.

Grell kissed him deeply, one hand cupping Sebastian's cheek, the other fighting the arm that was trying to grab him. He pulled away and smiled. Mercifully, the tears stayed in his eyes, but Sebastian could still see them glisten. Grell's irises faded from red back to their emerald green.

Ciel's orders forced him to fight against Grell, but with effort he raised his hand to Grell's face, as well. His hand shook with the effort of not snapping the reaper's neck. He supposed the only thing saving him for the time being was that he had been ordered to destroy the reapers, and while he didn't know how long the loophole would protect him, Grell was no longer just a reaper. There was enough demon in him for Sebastian to resist the order long enough to let Grell get away.

"Grell, I...I think I might-"

"Shh." Grell put a glossy black claw to Sebastian's lips. "Until we meet again, my love. We are immortal after all. What do we have, if not time?"

He jumped over the desk into the shattered glass behind it. He stopped, crouched on the window sill, and smiled back at Ciel. "And I will see you in Hell, Lord Phantomhive. I am no longer bound by the laws of the shinigami...you best hope Bassy can protect you from me now."

In a flash of red he was gone. Sebastian stared after him. He expected the order to follow him, but it never came. Ciel was staring at the empty space, too. He looked shaken.

"C-clean this mess up," he said, and hurried out of the study.

Sebastian stood there for quite awhile after he left. His eyes seemed locked on the window frame, and the phantom image of Grell smiling back at him. They just kept missing each other, didn't they? Just when he thought he may be able to gain clarity on his muddled feelings something always got in the way. This time, he didn't know if there would be another chance. For as long as he was bound to Ciel he was sure his master would see to it he had to kill Grell if their paths crossed again. Now Grell was out there in a world where he had no place, a hybrid of two species that despised each other, and pursued by reapers who wanted his head.

 _At least there are two less of those reapers_ , he thought, looking down at the two unconscious shinigami at his feet. Or at least there was about to be. They were in no shape to fight back and Ciel had told him to clean the mess up. He didn't see how it mattered whether these reapers were alive or dead when he peeled them off the floor.

He picked up one of their scythes and smiled. "Now, who would like to go first?"

* * *

Grell sat in the alley with his knees drawn to his chest. It was mostly clean, which was the only reason he had allowed himself to sit down for a rest. He had been running for hours. He didn't know where to stop, it wasn't as if he could go home. A small army of reapers were probably waiting at his apartment if there was anything left of it. He sighed and looked up at the sunset. All around him, snow was melting and forming dirty gray puddles.

Footsteps drew his eyes to the right. A woman was cutting down the alley. She was lovely, cheeks flushed and slim body swathed in a fur coat. Grell buried his face in his hands. There had been a sharp pain growing inside him ever since he woke up and it wasn't getting any better. It felt like his instincts were at war with one another. On one hand, a voice that sounded eerily like William's reminded him that he couldn't harvest a soul that wasn't on the to-die list. On the other, a much more sinister thought kept recurring that he had been stripped of his privileges as a reaper so why should he act like one?

"Sir, are you alright?"

He looked up. The woman had curly blond hair and large eyes like those of a doll. A tremor wracked Grell's body. Something utterly inhuman took over, and he smiled at the woman, catching her wrist when she recoiled from his red eyes and razor sharp teeth. Her soul called to him like the sweetest song. He was on his feet in a blur and she tried to wrench out of his grasp.

"I'm sorry, please don't hurt me."

Grell pulled her close. "Don't worry, it won't hurt a bit."

He made good on his word. He made it quick and the sensation of her soul leaving her body was ecstasy as he had never known. As the sun finished setting over the city, he tossed her to the ground. Her blood turned the remaining snow a beautiful crimson red. Her soul had not sated the pain in his stomach but increased it tenfold, and even as he was overcome with disgust for himself, his feet were carrying him to search for his next meal.

The demon inside was awake, and it was hungry.


	12. Sacred Stars Won't Be Guiding You

" _When the fires, when the fires have surrounded you  
And the whole wide world's comin' after you  
I've got blood, I've got blood on my name_

 _When the fires, when the fires are consuming you_  
 _And your sacred stars won't be guiding you_  
 _I've got blood, I've got blood_  
 _Blood on my name."_

 _-The Brothers Bright, Blood On My Name_

Time seemed to pass much more slowly after that day. Weeks turned into harrowing, long months. Sebastian became acquainted with even more feelings that had once been foreign to him. They were an appalling weakness but he also took a kind of strength from knowing Grell was out there somewhere. Ever since he had brought him back, there had been a thread between them, thin but tangible. For as long as he felt tension on that thread he knew Grell was alive somewhere in the world.

He wanted to seek him out but he knew that's what Ciel was waiting for so he could force Sebastian to kill him. As much as it pained him, he resisted looking for Grell, knowing that finding him would do him far more harm than staying away. He came to accept that his feelings for the rogue reaper would forever be a dull ache in his chest. He had never quite reconciled what his feelings meant and in a way, the uncertainty of not knowing what they might have had was worse than if he had known what they shared.

"You're thinking about him again."

His hands stilled where they had been cleaning one of the many rifles stationed on the roof of the manor. Mey-Rin had another one disassembled but she, too, had stopped to look at him. Her perpetually frazzled appearance was spliced by her sharp eyes which currently stared at him over the top of her glasses. One look at them said there was no use in lying.

"What gave me away?"

She finished oiling the bolt of the rifle. "There's this look you get, that's just for him. You smile just a bit but your eyes are full of sadness."

"I'm surprised you can see through me so well, this close up," he joked.

Mey-Rin smiled. "You might not want us to but us lowly servants look out for you. Had you not chosen us we wouldn't have this dysfunctional family of ours. You brought us together, you gave us a purpose...but Master Ciel took your purpose away, didn't he?"

Sebastian swallowed. At the moment he missed the bumbling, useless Mey-Rin that couldn't do so much as set the table for dinner correctly, let alone read his feelings as though he'd printed them on his chest. He decided to allow himself the brief indulgence of confiding in someone.

"He had made peace with his death. When he died, he was content. I brought him back for my own selfish reasons and in the process turned him into something with no place in this world, or any other. Now I can't even look after him or make up for it. I have been forced to abandon him and leave him to be hunted, and forever outcast by demons and reapers alike."

"Maybe he'll just make friends with humans. He can be trying but some people love the crazy ones. You sure do."

He ignored her last comment and pointed out, "Humans are his food now."

"He's a holy being, you should give him more credit. He can take you in a fight I'm sure he can take care of himself out there."

"You're awfully familiar when the other servants aren't around."

"I'm sorry. You should give him more credit, _sir._ "

He smiled despite himself. He gave Grell plenty of credit, he was sure she was surviving just fine without him, and in truth that may be what bothered him the most.

* * *

Grell yawned and pulled his blankets more tightly around him. Winter's chill had settled in at last. He opened his eyes to the dark room and thought of another cold day, snow melting in his hair and the life draining from his body as he died in a demon's arms. There was a familiar pang in his chest as he realized it had been a year since he said goodbye to Sebastian. He wondered if Ciel had gotten his revenge yet...he kept telling himself that when Sebastian was free, he would find him.

He washed off and began dressing. His hair still barely touched his shoulders, a small comfort as it reminded him of Sebastian cutting it and reassuring him that it looked good. Grell closed his eyes and recalled the kiss that followed soon after, the last intimate moment they shared. He combed his hair and tried to push the memory away. It wouldn't change anything to dwell on their parting. Sebastian had surely moved on, glad to have no more distractions from serving his beloved master.

It had been a couple days, so he went hunting. His eyes had long since turned red since he started feeding on human souls, which suited him just fine. They were a perfect match to his hair and he no longer bore the signature eyes of a reaper. Quite illegally, he still carried his scythe but the reapers had never been able to catch up to him. It came in handy for hunting when he wanted some entertainment to go with his dinner.

"You're up early," commented the young man at the desk.

"I'm hungry."

The tall blond smiled. He always seemed to be at the desk for the hotel, no matter what time of day or night. Grell wondered if he ever changed out of the same tight black pants and black vest. The clerk was not his type, they were too similar in style and flamboyance, but the young man had become the closest thing Grell had to a friend. His platinum hair was always hanging fashionably in his eyes and his British accent was as smooth as honey.

"I keep telling you we serve breakfast here."

"I'm a picky eater," Grell said, somewhat awkwardly. Somehow he didn't think human souls were on the breakfast buffet.

The man arched a plucked eyebrow but didn't say anything. Grell waved and scampered to the door, glad to escape any more uncomfortable questions. It had been far easier to blend in as a reaper who was happy to subsist off normal food. He was almost out the door when he heard the clerk call, "Happy hunting, Grell."

He looked behind him. The clerk wore a light, teasing smile, but the words still left a knot in Grell's stomach.

It was late in the evening when he returned. He could easily lose track of time, wandering the streets of Paris. It was impossible to enjoy the City of Love to the fullest alone but he made the best of it. The hotel lobby was empty save for the polished black dress shoes propped on the reception desk, and the young man they belonged to who was filing his nails.

Grell hesitated as he walked past the desk. He didn't know what to think of the comment earlier. He had been staying at these lodgings for a couple months, and he had learned to be more careful with his kills in the past year so he could stay in one place for awhile. No one had seemed to notice anything out of sorts. Not that he had realized, anyway.

"Take a picture, love, it will last longer."

"Oh I wasn't staring I just spaced out and was thinking about some stuff and-"

The clerk laughed. "I was just playing! What's the matter with you today? You're all jumpy."

"Er...sorry. It's a long story. I'll just be going to bed."

There was a click of dress shoes hitting the floor as the clerk stood up. "I could join you, if it's such a long story."

"Joining me in bed?" Grell shrieked.

"In your bed _room_ , pervert. Relax, you aren't my type either. You do, however, need someone to talk to so lead the way." The blond stashed his book in the desk and fell in step with Grell.

"Okay…?"

They had talked often since he started living there but he hadn't planned on their friendship reaching this point. With being both a hunter and the hunted, making friends wasn't such a good idea. He had came to accept loneliness and the necessity of keeping people at arm's length for their own good.

Despite his request for Grell to lead the way, the clerk ascended the spiral staircase ahead of him, long legs carrying him two steps to each one of Grell's. He poured them each a drink when they reached Grell's room. He took a sip of his brandy and sat cross legged in the window seat. Grell observed him with mounting confusion, still not knowing why this man cared about how much was on his mind. The comment earlier echoed in his mind and he wondered if there was more to the clerk than he let on. Was he with the reapers? Was he a demon hunter of some kind?

"I know a man on the run when I see one."

Grell perched on the edge of the bed and looked down at his feet. "Do you?"

"I've been running my whole life."

"Really?"

"Think of all the conversations we've had, and what do you know about me?"

For some reason the truth in that made Grell feel guilty. He took a long drink of brandy. "I don't even know your name."

"That's because there aren't many humans named Kerberosel."

Grell choked on his drink. "What the hell kind of name is that?"

"The kind you get when you're half angel, half demon."

He blinked, and one of his dark brown eyes turned red. Grell mulled this over in silence for a few minutes. In a way he was nervous because he still didn't know why the clerk, Kerbawhatever, was telling him this but on the other hand he was elated to be talking to another half breed.

"Why couldn't I sense you?" Supernatural beings could usually detect one of their own, which gave Grell the advantage of knowing when there was both a reaper or a demon around.

"I learned to mask my presence. Neither angels or demons want their reputation tarnished by one having born a child by the other, so I've been hunted from birth. You've only been hunted for a few months since you became part demon, yes?"

Grell's spine straightened. He was getting less and less comfortable with this kid. "How do you know that?"

"I've forged many connections with the underworld, especially with the inhumans that dwell there. I'm quite good friends with a former reaper who is best known as the Undertaker."

Hope blossomed in Grell's chest. "Do you know a demon called Sebastian? Or at least he's Sebastian right now while he's-"

"-contracted to Ciel Phantomhive."

"You know him!" Grell clapped his hands together and bounced on the bed, his brandy long forgotten on the floor.

"Undertaker has mentioned him and the boy. I appreciate Ciel's style but I find him to be a bit of twat, myself." Kerberdilly drained his brandy and placed the empty glass next to Grell's. His name was just too much trouble to think about at the moment while Grell's brain was racing with thoughts of Sebastian.

"Why are you just now telling me what you are?"

"I haven't lived this long by trusting every one I meet. When you came in tonight, I saw that you were rightfully cautious after what I said about hunting, and knew you were running, too."

Grell nodded. He supposed the reason finding all this out didn't surprise him much was because some part of him had always thought the clerk was different. The way he moved, how he never seemed to sleep, Grell had wondered if he was more than he seemed but he had not expected their cases to be this similar. He also didn't know an angel and a demon had ever procreated but as Kerbersomething had said, both species wanted to keep it that way.

"This Sebastian that you're so interested in, what is he to you?"

Grell's vision turned rosy and he fell back on the bed with a grin. "He's everything, I've loved him from the first time I laid eyes on his cruel beauty. He found me quite revolting but things had started changing, I think he might have...well, I don't know. I never got to find out how he felt."

"That must have made moving on hard."

"I didn't bother, I had no desire to forget about my Sebas-chan. I'm going to wait for him."

The other half breed stood up from the window and looked down at him. "That's optimistic. Good thing you're not dying any time soon."

"I have watched many human lives come and go, for my true love I can wait for that dreaded Phantomhive brat to meet his end."

Kerberclerk joined him on the bed, once more sitting cross legged. His look of surprise had changed to one of slight pity. "Grell...are you calling Ciel's life a human one?"

Grell propped himself on his elbows and looked at the clerk. "Yes, why?"

"He's not human anymore. He became a demon, and somehow chained his butler to him for eternity. Undertaker told me about it, we were discussing how our kind – demons, that is – are a sly bunch. He said Ciel was a true lurker of his precious underworld now."

"No." The room had started to move on its own. Grell's voice was trapped in his throat, but each time he cried out he heard it get louder. "No, no, no, he can't!"

"I'm sorry, Grell."

Grell wasn't listening. He slid off the bed onto his knees, then on to his hands when his knees could not hold the full weight of his despair. His eyes fixed, unfocused on the lackluster wooden floor. He no longer had a soul...how could Sebastian ever consume it and conclude their contract? _He chained his butler to him for eternity._

He remained shell shocked and silent long into the night. For some reason, the clerk remained with him. Grell tried to convince himself it was a lie, that this half breed had been sent by Ciel to dash his hopes, but a bit of research found that Ciel had deserted the Phantomhive manor months ago. Neither him or Sebastian had been seen since.

By the morning the bottle of brandy was empty, but even that did nothing to numb the pain when Grell finally had to accept that Sebastian was well and truly lost to him.


	13. Come Hell Or High Water

Grell couldn't say he found happiness again. There was still a gaping, Sebastian sized hole in his chest. What he did find was the closest thing to friends he supposed he was going to have. He stuck with Kerberosel, and an outcasted Nephilim named Terren. There was strength in numbers and in the months that followed the threesome faced no adversary they couldn't defeat. Kerberosel had staggering powers of telepathy and telekinesis, and Terren had the element of surprise since he had large, dollike eyes and was all of five feet tall, but was an agile and deadly fighter. Grell rounded them off with his enhanced combat skills which had already been top notch.

They kept close tabs on the goings on of the criminal underworld so they knew when to move. There were plenty of circles that would love to have three powerful half breeds for trophies, trafficking, body guarding, and who knew what else. About eight months of traveling together found them in London to speak with their most knowledgeable informant.

The sight of the Undertaker's shop made Grell's throat tighten. He had been quiet during the journey, spending most of it with his eyes fixed outside, fingering his braided hair nervously. Terren, who possessed a rather childlike sense of compassion, had tried to make him feel better by every means at his disposal but it was no use. This city was an echo chamber in which Grell could shout and hear the memories of his lost love calling back to him. It was the first place he met Sebastian...and the place where they said goodbye.

"I think I'll wait out here," he said, leaning against the wall.

Kerberosel paused with his hand on the door. "Are you sure? Undertaker hasn't seen you in an age I think he was looking forward to it."

"Send him my best." He could feel the blond's eyes boring into him but he kept his gaze on his feet, knowing eye contact increased Kerberosel's ability to delve into his mind.

The other two disappeared into the shop, and as the door closed behind them a voice drifted out.

"You're sure you haven't seen these bodies?"

Ciel.

Grell swallowed hard. What were the damn odds that they would come to see Undertaker at the same time? He entertained making a run for it in case the young demon came outside but he found himself rooted to the spot. Hatred, white hot and relentless, rose in him like a fiery beast. He felt his eyes burn and knew they were an intense blood red.

"If anybody would know it would be him, my lord."

Time seemed to stop. Everyone in the world could have frozen in that moment and Grell wouldn't have noticed a difference, for all he heard was that voice, those words ringing in his ears. He turned slowly to face the wall. "Sebastian," he whispered, his eyes now stinging in a way that was all too human.

The demon's presence began to grow stronger and Grell gasped. Sebastian could sense him, too. He raised a shaking hand to the wall and leaned his forehead against it. A moment later an electric shock seemed to jolt his body, and he knew Sebastian's hand was pressed to the other side. The tears welling in his eyes spilled onto his cheeks and he choked back a sound of agonized longing. This was as close as they could ever be now. He had long romanticized star-crossed lovers, finding beauty in their tragedy, but there had been no beauty in his life since a fateful winter afternoon.

 _GRELL._

He jumped at the sound of Kerberosel's voice in his head.

 _Pipsqueak and your man are on their way out, get the hell out of dodge,_ Keberosel said, his voice resonating uncomfortably in his head. Grell's fingers curled against the wall but he tore himself away and ran. He had just reached the roof of the neighboring building when he saw them emerge from the shop. Sebastian stared at the place Grell had just been standing as he walked by. His eyes were hollow, and Grell wanted nothing more than to cry out to him.

"I'm here," he said, watching them climb into the carriage. "Bassy, I'm here."

By the time the other two joined him, he had watched the carriage disappear and dried the tears wrought from him by the sight. He knew they weren't buying his chipper attitude, though. They gave him disbelieving looks and his smile fell as quickly as he'd plastered it on. He would bet these two had known loss, too, and they knew what it looked like.

Terren stared at him with his striking violet eyes. "True love finds a way, you know."

Grell ruffled the Nephilim's already wild black hair. He appreciated the words, because while he wasn't sure he believed in such a thing anymore, he could tell Terren meant them and he appreciated the gesture if nothing else. He slung his arm around Terren's shoulders and leaned against Kerberosel's side as they stared out at the city. If they were going to be alone, he guessed it was just as well they could all be alone together.

* * *

The flickering candle died at last and pitched them into darkness. There was no moonlight to speak of but Sebastian could still make out the lines of his face, and see that his eyes were open. Darkness was his old friend and he could see through it as clearly as if it were daylight.

"I thought you wished to sleep, my lord."

"As did I."

Sebastian sighed. Though sleep was more of a past time than a requirement for demons, Ciel still enjoyed sleeping at night, likely because he often requested that Sebastian share his bed. Sometimes his nightmares would wake him and curl up against Sebastian in the middle of the night. Sebastian never removed him, but he never returned his embrace, either. He would run his fingers through Ciel's hair until his master's sleep was quiet and then stop. Now they lay side by side, wide awake.

He was startled by breath ghosting across his lips. His eyes refocused to find Ciel staring into his eyes, their faces close together. "My lord?"

Ciel closed the distance between them with a kiss. His lips were insistent, and Sebastian reluctantly raised his hands to the boy's shoulders and rolled over to lay on top of him. Ciel's hands went to his back, fisting in his shirt and pulling him close. His fangs brushed Sebastian's lip and the older demon pulled back to look at him. By any standards, Ciel was lovely, cheeks slightly flushed and dark silver hair fanned out on the pillow. But he was not the person Sebastian wanted to be lying under him and he seemed to notice.

"How, after all this time?" Ciel asked.

Sebastian propped himself on his elbow and looked down at his master. "Pardon?"

"How can you still love him?"

Silence swiftly fell. Ciel's hurt was masked by cold anger but Sebastian saw through it as easily as he did the darkness. He had suspected for quite some time the boy had been falling for him but he now knew why Ciel had forced Grell away. He loved Sebastian, and he hadn't the stomach for seeing his demon fall for someone else, let alone the reaper they had both hated at one time.

"I suppose in her I found something I didn't know I was looking for, and it is something I don't believe I will find again."

"You're never going to feel for me the way you do him." It was not a question.

"Unfortunately, my feelings for her are involuntary."

Ciel scoffed. "Why do you call that vile man _her_?"

"Pronouns make little difference to me, but they seemed to make quite a bit of one to Grell."

Ciel made another sound of pure disgust. "You've truly gone soft."

"Forgive me, my lord."

They lapsed once more into silence. It was a heavy silence, filled with regret and grim acceptance. Sebastian knew his master was cursing himself for having allowed him to become a weakness, to have let his feelings get the best of him. But they both knew the same thing. He could order Sebastian to pretend, could order him to kill Grell and every man and woman on the Earth except him, but he couldn't make Sebastian return his love.

Sebastian was surprised to find Ciel already awake the next morning, and packing. They had returned to the Phantomhive manor while they investigated a case in the area much to the glee of the servants. Working in the criminal underworld was no longer Ciel's sworn duty but every now and then he caught a scent that awoke the Queen's guard dog and he would work the case to entertain himself. However, their case was not yet closed, hence Sebastian's confusion as he watched Ciel pack his suitcase.

"Are we leaving already, my lord?" In a flash he was on his feet and helping Ciel close up his luggage.

"I'm leaving."

"You wish for me to finish the case and meet back with you afterwords?"

Ciel looked away as Sebastian helped straighten his poorly knotted tie. "I wish for you to look after the manor, and for our paths not to cross." Sebastian's hands stilled. Ciel continued, "I have enough dignity to know when the match is at a draw. I'll travel on my own for awhile, and if I desire your company I will send for you."

His young lord put up a good front as always but Sebastian could see his pain as they parted ways at his carriage. He knelt in front of Ciel and bowed his head, hand over his heart. This was not his absolute freedom but it was close, and he knew what that meant, he knew the sacrifice Ciel was making for Sebastian to have what he truly desired. He was walking away at a draw rather than accept loss. He was allowing Sebastian happiness instead of forcing them to suffer together.

Sebastian pushed Ciel's soft bangs aside and kissed his forehead. "Safe travels, master."

"Sebastian."

It looked as though there was plenty more Ciel wanted to say, but he pressed his lips together and climbed into the carriage. He did not look back as Sebastian closed the door. Sebastian heard him rap the ceiling with his cane, something he still carried out of habit more than necessity, and the horses set out in a trot that soon broke into a gallop. Sebastian stared after him long after he was gone. _I could hardly deny his feelings. What is love, if not valuing another person's happiness above your own?_ he thought.

He wasted no time in tracking Grell but the rogue reaper had gotten quite good at hiding himself. Luckily, he hadn't had time to get far since Sebastian sensed him at Undertaker's, so he had tracked him in less than three days. That was a long time for Sebastian but Grell was no novice. He at last detected his presence at a modest townhouse outside the city, not too far from the house in which they fought and killed William T. Spears. There were other presences in the house as well but he had a one track mind.

It was late at night but he still broke into the house with ease. He considered knocking but he probably would have been ran through with a chainsaw, Grell couldn't be expecting anyone on his doorstep to be holding a fruitcake and welcoming him to the neighborhood. Sebastian closed the door behind him carefully and looked around. The townhouse appeared empty but he could feel Grell's presence right above him.

His examination was brought up short when his legs were taken out from under him. He hit his back with little grace and blinked up at his attacker. Well...up was a strong word. He didn't have far to look. Owlish purple eyes stared back at him, belonging to a small man holding the ornately carved black staff that had caught him behind the knees.

"Where's your boy toy?" asked a voice on his other side.

Sebastian looked over at the handsome blond that he'd seen talking to Undertaker. He was twirling a throwing knife on each finger. His aura, as well as that of the smaller man, were unique to anything Sebastian was familiar with. He was sure he could take them in a fight but he still felt he should exercise caution. He got to his feet and addressed the blond.

"He left me to my own devices."

His voice echoed in the mostly empty house, and no sooner than the echo died out was there a crashing of feet on the stairs. He spun toward the sound and saw Grell at the bottom of the staircase, wearing the shirt of Sebastian's he had left the Phantomhive manor in, his hair falling out of a messy braid. Neither of them spoke for a minute. Kerberosel had grown bored and was filing his nails with a knife but Terren was bouncing up and down with excitement. He was shouting something but Sebastian could hear nothing, see no one except the beautifully disheveled reaper in front of him.

They met each other halfway, Grell asking, "How?"

"My love, I am simply one hell of-"

SLAP.

"Don't give me that crap! Is that all you know how to say?" Grell screeched as Sebastian touched his stinging cheek with surprise. "One hell of an idiot is what you are, you're going to get yourself killed being here!"

"But Ciel-"

He was silenced again as Grell snatched him by the lapels and pulled him into a kiss. He grabbed Grell's face and returned it with over a year of questions, of longing, of frustration. Terren was clapping and making noises like a mentally impaired seal, and Kerberosel seemed to be asleep. They were just background noise, though. Sebastian's arms were locked around Grell with all the strength of a vice and he felt himself becoming whole again.

He couldn't believe how good it felt to embrace someone he had detested so, but at that moment he would have moved Heaven, Earth, and all seven levels of Hell to keep Grell in his arms.


	14. Like Fire and Powder

**Author's Note:**

 **Thanks to anyone who has stuck around! Don't Try To Change My Melody, thank you for your solitary and enduring support lol. Anyway this story was originally planned to be longer but I think I have found an acceptable place to end it. So, here it is (:**

* * *

"Sebastian..."

The demon opened his eyes. He had been resting but not quite asleep; the waking world held too much appeal now. He looked down at Grell who was blinking hazy, tired eyes from behind a fringe of mussed red bangs. Sebastian chuckled and pushed them to the side.

"You had best get a haircut before I'm able to mistake you for Undertaker."

Grell snorted and dropped his head back on the pillow. "Hmph. I'll mistake your underwear, too, mister."

"You...are largely still asleep," Sebastian concluded, and watched the eyes not unlike his own flutter shut once more.

He watched Grell sleep for awhile. Many times in the night he had felt as though he was waking from a dream, even though he had not dreamt since he was human. Each time he opened his eyes and found that his bare limbs were still tangled with Grell's and they were still safely in the Phantomhive manor together. Since Sebastian was under orders to look after the estate they had moved their reunion there. That was more than twelve hours ago. Clearly, it had been awhile since Grell had gotten a sound night's sleep.

His fingers ghosted over Grell's disheveled hair and the love bites fading on his neck. Their reunion had certainly been one to remember, once they had finished with the debacle at the house where he'd found Grell. He thought back to it with a long winded sigh. He was going to regret succumbing to the reaper's will in a moment of weakness.

" _Let's go," he said, taking Grell's hand._

 _They were to the door when Sebastian's body lurched backward; Grell had just dug his feet in and came to a grinding halt. Sebastian turned to look at him, to find an expectant expression on his face and his arms crossed over his chest. "Aren't you forgetting something?"_

" _Er...no?"_

" _What about them?!"_

 _Sebastian followed his pointed finger to the two other half breeds, the ones that had threatened his life when he arrived. He shed his gloves and bowed his head. "Right you are, excuse my negligence."_

 _He appeared in front of Kerberosel, who had dozed off in a plush chair. A knife slid into his hand and he went for the half demon's throat. Grell shrieked behind him but Kerberosel reacted first. The knife went flying across the room with a flick of the blond's now open eyes, and stuck in the wall. Sebastian went flying shortly afterwords and collided with a wall that was much less forgiving to him than his knife._

" _WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"_

 _He waited for Kerberosel to answer Grell's infuriated demand until he looked up and saw that he was the object of the red head's anger. He rubbed his head and tilted it to the side in confusion. "Did you not wish for me to rid you of these two?"_

 _Terren gave an offended squeak, and Grell said, "They're my friends, I can't just leave them. I'm our best fighter, they need me!"_

" _Your English friend seems to hold his own alright," Sebastian muttered resentfully, standing up and brushing himself off._

 _Grell stared him down. "I love you, Bassy, but if you can't understand why I wouldn't abandon the people who have stood by me all this time, I don't need you."_

 _Well, he certainly wasn't the flighty lovesick Grell of his memory. He had seemed to find himself since returning from Hell which was fine and dandy when it wasn't such an inconvenience. Sebastian looked at the two strangers, who had come to stand on either side of Grell as if it were instinct. The three looked as though they had stood in this formation many times before. Sebastian was reminded acutely of the servants, and thought of how one of them would react if he tried to separate them._

" _Last time I checked, you had just decided to stop hating Grell before your master forced you two apart. We've done a lot more for him than you and if he wants to stay with us, you're not going to stop him mister tall, dark, and moody!" Terren said, seeming to forget he was five feet tall and Sebastian could squash him like a bug._

" _I do want to go with Bassy but-"_

" _So what's it going to be?" Kerberosel demanded, one of his eyes turning red._

 _Sebastian smirked. The room began to darken and a whirlwind of black feathers swirled around his feet. A bluish green light was cast over them. "First, let me remind you arrogant children that I am a full blooded demon, and I am not the slightest bit intimidated by the likes of you. Second, I am going to allow you to return to the manor with us only because it is what Grell desires. Attempt to threaten me again and I will obliterate you both into atoms whether it upsets Grell or not."_

 _Grell was grinning as if he had just given the most romantic speech in history, and Terren was bouncing on his heels with excitement. Sebastian held out his hand and this time Grell allowed himself to be led out of the house. Unfortunately that was only because his two vermin friends were right on their heels._

Sebastian idly wondered how much trouble those two had managed to get into. He'd had little on his mind the night before except making up for lost time with Grell but now he fretted over the state of the manor. He tightened his arm around Grell. He supposed if the damn red head wasn't doing something to make his life more difficult, their relationship would crumble as adversity was the foundation it was built on.

He awoke Grell with a kiss. Grell made an incoherent sound then seemed to perk up when he realized there were soft lips against his and slightly pointed nails resting on his hip. He opened his mouth and pulled himself closer to Sebastian, who pushed Grell gently onto his back. Their kiss deepened until a familiar warmth began to unfurl at Sebastian's core. He let his hands travel further down, and found that Grell was quite awake indeed.

Lean but strong arms wound around his neck as he hitched Grell's leg over his hip. Grell kissed him tenderly, without his usual impatience and force. He broke the kiss only to gasp as Sebastian entered him. They moved together until they had fallen into a deep, slow rhythm. Sebastian laced their fingers together and pressed their joined hands above Grell's head.

Tremors began to run through Grell's body. Sebastian felt his own release building and groaned into Grell's neck, movements faltering as he moved closer to that razor's edge. He felt Grell's legs scrambling against the bed for purchase as he chased his own climax. The reaper's toes curled against Sebastian's calves, his body seized up and then Sebastian was being pulled over with him. He growled something that might have been Grell's name as he spilled into that clenched, stifling heat.

"Grell," he said more coherently as they parted to lay next to each other.

"Hmm?"

"I think...Well, I may..."

Grell propped his chin on Sebastian's shoulder and stared at him, eyes dancing with amusement. "Left you speechless, have I? You think you may what?"

Vivid images of Grell soaring into the air reciting poetry, harping about how he'd always known Sebastian loved him, overwhelmed Sebastian and he slid out from under Grell to get to his feet. "I think I may need to bathe."

There might as well have been a cloud of smoke where he had been, so fast did he disappear to the washroom. He heard Grell complaining about his hasty departure but closed the door on his grating voice that had somehow become endearing. _Curses,_ he thought. _These feelings are going to be even more trouble than I previously imagined._

Grell had cleaned up and dressed by the time he returned. Now that he wasn't bound by the reaper dress code his already off-key sense of style was running rampant. He wore a red corset and his striped bow was tied through the loops of his slacks like a belt. Naturally, his feet were still planted in his black and red ankle boots. His form was strong yet feminine. Sebastian sighed, observing him from the doorway of the washroom. He didn't know what to call Grell. "It" seemed a tad offensive. Two sides of Sebastian's subconscious began to argue over the matter.

He calls himself a she.

 _Then consider him a woman._

But he is in possession of male genitals.

 _Then he's a man._

But he's so very beautiful for a man.

 _Maybe you're just a raging homosexual._

That's drastic, I simply wish to respect him...her by acknowledging the identity she feels most comfortable with.

 _Stop, just stop, his subconscious begged. Current society isn't advanced enough for us to have this discussion right now._

Sebastian conceded with another sigh. Even when he wasn't speaking Grell managed to befuddle and vex him. Hell, he had plagued Sebastian so deeply that he had forced him into a lengthy conversation with himself. He was an enigma at the center of a vortex of confusion that sucked in anyone who came too close. It was impossible to become bored of such a wildly unpredictable man...manly-woman-person-thing and Sebastian could only assume that was why he was taken with him. Few creatures had ever held his interest, for human nature was no more intriguing to him than falling rain; it was equally transparent, and gone in an instant.

The whole of the Phantomhive household took dinner outside that evening. The servants joined them at the table, seeing as there was not technical Lord of the house now. It felt strange for Sebastian to sit down to his own freshly prepared meal. He glanced to the head of the table and wondered who had made Ciel's dinner tonight, for the Earl could hardly make it for himself. He sighed. His sense of duty was still strong, and however much he had resented the child's selfishness, a miniscule part of him missed Ciel.

There was a soft touch and he looked down to the manicured ruby colored nails resting on his hand. He raised that hand to his lips and kissed Grell's fingertips. "I humbly beg your pardon, my lady. My attention was elsewhere."

"Dinner is just devine," Grell said, after he had removed his hand to cut into the tender filet of beef on his plate.

Sebastian looked around. What a strange bunch they were. Kerberosel was flirting with Bard, much to the chef's disinterest, and Terren seemed to have made fast friends with Finnian. Grell was engrossed in a debate with Mey-Rin about hairstyles. Demons did not possess a sense of family, or true loyalty that was not governed by their contract, but looking around the table Sebastian thought this was what it must be like to feel those things. He was reminded of what Ciel had sacrificed to allow him this happiness and once more felt a surge of appreciation for his young master.

By the time they finished dinner, the moon was high and the sky was blanketed with stars. It was such a lovely night that Sebastian couldn't bring himself to conclude it just yet. He took Grell's hand and pulled the confused redhead from his...no, _her_ chair.

"Would you honor me with a dance?" he asked, guiding her to the middle of the stone terrace.

She turned bright pink, which was closer to mauve in the silver light. "It would be my pleasure."

They stepped into a waltz and began to move as if they had done it many times before. There was no music but it made no difference to them. The voices of their companions died down and Sebastian knew they were being watched, but he was unfazed. He kept his eyes on Grell and the ex reaper didn't look like God himself could have descended and torn her eyes from Sebastian.

"You're rather good," Grell said.

"I enjoy dancing, alas Ciel was not only an incapable but also an unwilling partner."

Their waltz slowed to something less formal. Soon they just swayed together, Grell's arms around his neck and his own resting about the red head's waist. Kerberosel was a couple yards away dancing with Mey-Rin, who had been watching the demons slow dance with longing.

Grell looked up at the moon. "Such a wonderful night, though next time you plan a moonlit ball you should tell me so I can don an appropriate dress, and some-"

"I love you."

He expected his eardrums to be shattered by Grell's voice jumping several octaves, maybe a speech about how Grell was right that would last until daybreak, but for the first time she seemed speechless. Her eyes were wide and there were small indentions in her lip where she was biting it. Sebastian had actually begun to feel a slight prickle of nerves when Grell pulled him into a long kiss that almost knocked them both to the ground.

"I've been waiting my whole afterlife for someone to say that! I never dreamed it would be you, who I pined for so, who night after night..."

She dissolved into melodrama that he silenced with another kiss, before it could get too far out of hand. He was distantly aware of the servants whistling and shouting but there were mere background noise. Grell melted into his arms and he knew that was where she would stay for however long he could keep her there. They were now creatures of the same fiery depths, had experienced the same misguided efforts from those who loved them, but whose love they could not return. Sebastian supposed it was meant as a curse for him to fall for such a wild, often irritating basket case, as punishment for his sins, but he had accepted that these feelings were beyond his control. At this point he didn't think he would change them if he was given the choice.

When they parted, they observed the manor silhouetted against the night sky. It was hardly the end. The reapers were not to be trifled with and they still wanted Grell's head on a pike and there was a feeling deep inside Sebastian that he had not said his final goobyes to Ciel. He wasn't sure they would survive the trials that lay ahead, but looking at the trail of ruin behind them, he could not deny that a path of destruction seemed to be the one on which they thrived.

The night air carried with it the scent of strawberries and red licorice, and Sebastian smiled. The road ahead was not imposing to him. They would be walking it together, after all, and Heaven help the fools that got in their way.

 _These violent delights have violent ends_

 _And in their triumph die, like fire and powder_

 _Which as they kiss, consume_

 _-William Shakespeare_


End file.
